Hey! This issue covers Chapter 8 of the Ruby Warrington Winter Slow Read—a 10 week journey through the book Women Without Kids. New episodes drop every Sunday from February to early April. If you want to start at the beginning or read more about what we’re doing here, head on over to the Introduction. The first 15(ish) minutes of each episode are free to listen to!
Welcome back! 🫶🏻 This is Chapter 8: Home Truths, which is kind of a sister chapter to Chapter 2. (I like the chapter title “Acceptance” better, but alas, I did not write this book.) Today we’re talking about all the ugly little things that are hard to admit, but essential to accept about ourselves as a vital part of our story. Devin, my guest for today, is yet another local queen who has so much in common with me (an undying love of Taylor Swift, Minnesota, marketing, books, etc.) She and I have been DMing each other on Instagram for literal years and finally got to meet to record this podcast, which was the best!
✨ Introducing today’s guest—
Devin (34, Aries, anxious) is a millennial living in Minneapolis. She spends her working hours as the marketing director for a nonprofit dedicated to getting people outside despite being someone who generally prefers the indoors. Devin is happily childfree, but does have what could be considered a small zoo in her home with two dogs and two cats. Her free time is mainly spent finding concert tickets, planning trips, becoming obsessive about new (to her) book series and trying to convince her partner that he probably wouldn't even notice if they fostered a third cat.
Accepting who we are, and how we got to where we are today, is what frees us to just live (pg. 176-77)
“The practice of acceptance speaks to our willingness to accept reality exactly as it is. Regardless of our reasons, I believe this concept is front and center for any woman without kids, and I want us to do a deep dive into it here. Not conforming to the selfless ideal of motherhood means accepting being seen as different, and it means accepting being judged. It means accepting being seen as selfish cunts while accepting that we will never “have it all.” It means accepting every choice we’ve ever made that has led us to not having kids, and it means accepting the circumstances behind these choices. It might mean accepting having been less than “perfectly” mothered. Above all, it means accepting that even the most positive and empowering choices can be a way of avoiding pain. It means accepting the sources of this pain. All of which is never not going to be a challenging and confronting process, but it must be part of our story. Because accepting all of this is how we quit wondering “what if?” Accepting who we are, and how we got to where we are today, is what frees us to just live.”—Ruby Warrington
Time stamps:
1:00 — Introducing Devin, and talking about the timelines we both had for our lives at a younger age (lol) and reading today’s excerpt (pages 176-77)
6:00 — Discussing Devin’s experience as a woman who was adopted as a baby, and how it’s affected her decision to not have children
15:40 — Reading my favorite line in the entire book! (about blame, and what or who we blame for why we don’t want kids)
19:10 — Defining the idea of our “home truths” and why it’s important to learn to accept them, even if they’re ugly—and diving into some of ours
27:00 — Fixing a problem vs. preventing a problem, in the context of postpartum depression
33:00 — Some thoughts about acceptance; especially accepting that we will be judged and seen in a particular way (plus a little more shit talking about J.D. Vance hehe)
39:45 — “Having it all” (Devin’s Version) and some thoughts about the final frontier for women without kids
