So, my husband (turning 35 this month) and I (34) have a conversation to this end every 2-7 days on average. The existential dread, ennui, and general millennial thought experiment paralysis is real.
We're in a relatively good position as a couple, simply in terms of having somewhat of a financial buffer due to drawing down on our superannuation (mandated Australian equivalent of 401K) then investing all spare money during 2020. That said, my husband's industry is still decimated from the pandemic and I don't know whether we'll ever be able to afford to permanently live in Australia or Ireland -- the two places we've lived -- ever again.
The other factor in all of this is that we feel dramatically the generational differences between our parents and us in terms of work culture. Whether it's not understanding why we work long hours -- and the shadow work of our jobs and life administration -- or telling us that the only truly meaningful work is hard manual labor, we've heard it all. I know that this factor in particular is hard to quantify in a data snapshot because it's so qualitative and we're not really quite there yet -- that I have found -- with discussing these different generational attitudes to work. On that particular note, I actually gasped out loud when I read the stat about how our generation is proportionally more educated yet we hold less wealth. This is basically how I've felt about working since I turned 30 and had the worst boss ever who never ceased to remind me of my salary at every opportunity he created that no money is also worth shitty work culture. It made me feel like an embodiment of Ali Wong saying, "I don't want to lean in, I want to LIE DOWN".
Lastly, I remember in 2012, when I was a new graduate, googling for a job application what 'high volume tasks' meant in relation to work capabilities. I found a forum that said it's a code for conveying to potential employers that you can do the work of at least three other employees all at the same time. This still haunts me when I think about the fact that for most millennials, we've been doing the work of at least 2-3 other employees for more or less our entire post-graduate working lives.
In closing, your point that, "I think we’re also living in a time warp," is so apt. I think I really started to feel like this in 2021 as I was so sick with both stress-related gastritis (woo) and just overall stress. I remember ranting to my husband "these are the years!" at age 32 as I fretted whether now was the time to freeze eggs. This is all in the same boat as not even being sure if I'd ever want kids while also not being sure if I have endometriosis. At a certain point I realised that this feeling of panic where all I do is think about time is a mush of: freaking out that time is running out every single day converging with a mental freakout that I'm beating myself up for not doing more in the time I've had up until this point. Has our entire adult existence as millennials been a time warp that really started to eat itself from 2020 onwards? I don't know but I'd love/be relieved to find out.
Thank you so much for this issue. I feel a desperate loneliness to all of these things. And yet, I really don't feel as alone when I read a piece like this and I'm so grateful for everything you've so eloquently articulated and researched here. Thank you, thank you, thank you xx
Ennui was the Wordle word a few weeks ago and I think we all felt so seen by that!!!! I can't even pick another thing from your response because I was just like yes, yes, yes, the whole way down. Thank you for this!!
Sometimes when I'm not feeling great I will take a camera-off Zoom meeting while lying down, and sometimes I think I'm a genius and sometimes I'm like wait...
You've done it again. While your bachelorette post deeply resonated and hit on many common threads I have been experiencing, feeling, seeing others experience and feel... this week's post felt like you reached in to the depths of the millennial brain/ego/emotional core and exposed it for all of us to see that we aren't alone. It's easy to see the person living it up, having it all, and feeling like what we have isn't enough or fixating on the place we want to be but aren't. What I love how you called out is- that those sentiments and that disparity in how we are each living our lives is so SO unique to our generation, and I hadn't thought about it that way. Thank you so much for your honesty and beautiful writing. It satiates and fills a void that other content just cannot do for me at present. You're a queen!
Oh I felt so much of this. As an "older millenial" (ugh) I feel simultaneously grateful and guilty that I was able to buy an apartment at 29 that I wouldn't have been able to if I was 29 10 years later because of hideous inflation (and this is the true inflation, not the ridiculous consumer goods baskets that should be deflating because of efficiencies in technology.
I would have loved to see the comparitive figures for men of the same age group. Thanks for summarising all of this though. Fascinating.
Totally–grateful and guilty is a really good way to put that. It's hard to believe how much has changed in the last 10 years. A ton of the figures in this issue are Millennials as a group (including men and all genders!) but I thought some of the stats about women specifically were too interested to pass up. Maybe a mens issue someday for sure :)
Oh I'm so glad to see it separated out! I'm now curious about whether the rate of change has been the same for men and women and, if not, in what direction... I love stats. *nerd*
Another incredible issue. Thank you, Kelly, for better articulating my thoughts, emotions and fears than I could hope to do in such a succinct manner.
I don't want to use this comment section as a venting platform but am so appreciative to know I am not alone and that my feelings are both common and valid.
I look forward to reading the other comments here and possibly contributing something more substantial after I have time to digest and process this stunning piece of writing.
Please, please keep doing the hard work and writing these posts. They are more helpful than you know.
Wow the stats collection on this! New time paid subscriber and feel super seen by this post and the bachelorette party post. The thoughts about milestones is less heavy on me now than it was 10 years ago (I’m 32, almost 33) but after attending a family wedding a few weeks ago and getting the question about when will it be my turn, slash hearing about my cousins’ plans of a traditional life with marriage then children, these thoughts have been simmering in the background. (That instagram of a twitter thread was soooo good!!!!) I’m not engaged, and so thought that the paid posts wouldn’t apply to me, but I’m so glad you did a shoutout about it in this post so I could be wrong! The information you have collected here is fascinating, and I’m also loving the long form comments. Just wanted to say that I’m a fan! Thank you for your work!!! I feel like I’ll be able to better understand myself by reading your insights ❤️
So, my husband (turning 35 this month) and I (34) have a conversation to this end every 2-7 days on average. The existential dread, ennui, and general millennial thought experiment paralysis is real.
We're in a relatively good position as a couple, simply in terms of having somewhat of a financial buffer due to drawing down on our superannuation (mandated Australian equivalent of 401K) then investing all spare money during 2020. That said, my husband's industry is still decimated from the pandemic and I don't know whether we'll ever be able to afford to permanently live in Australia or Ireland -- the two places we've lived -- ever again.
The other factor in all of this is that we feel dramatically the generational differences between our parents and us in terms of work culture. Whether it's not understanding why we work long hours -- and the shadow work of our jobs and life administration -- or telling us that the only truly meaningful work is hard manual labor, we've heard it all. I know that this factor in particular is hard to quantify in a data snapshot because it's so qualitative and we're not really quite there yet -- that I have found -- with discussing these different generational attitudes to work. On that particular note, I actually gasped out loud when I read the stat about how our generation is proportionally more educated yet we hold less wealth. This is basically how I've felt about working since I turned 30 and had the worst boss ever who never ceased to remind me of my salary at every opportunity he created that no money is also worth shitty work culture. It made me feel like an embodiment of Ali Wong saying, "I don't want to lean in, I want to LIE DOWN".
Lastly, I remember in 2012, when I was a new graduate, googling for a job application what 'high volume tasks' meant in relation to work capabilities. I found a forum that said it's a code for conveying to potential employers that you can do the work of at least three other employees all at the same time. This still haunts me when I think about the fact that for most millennials, we've been doing the work of at least 2-3 other employees for more or less our entire post-graduate working lives.
In closing, your point that, "I think we’re also living in a time warp," is so apt. I think I really started to feel like this in 2021 as I was so sick with both stress-related gastritis (woo) and just overall stress. I remember ranting to my husband "these are the years!" at age 32 as I fretted whether now was the time to freeze eggs. This is all in the same boat as not even being sure if I'd ever want kids while also not being sure if I have endometriosis. At a certain point I realised that this feeling of panic where all I do is think about time is a mush of: freaking out that time is running out every single day converging with a mental freakout that I'm beating myself up for not doing more in the time I've had up until this point. Has our entire adult existence as millennials been a time warp that really started to eat itself from 2020 onwards? I don't know but I'd love/be relieved to find out.
Thank you so much for this issue. I feel a desperate loneliness to all of these things. And yet, I really don't feel as alone when I read a piece like this and I'm so grateful for everything you've so eloquently articulated and researched here. Thank you, thank you, thank you xx
Ennui was the Wordle word a few weeks ago and I think we all felt so seen by that!!!! I can't even pick another thing from your response because I was just like yes, yes, yes, the whole way down. Thank you for this!!
I would also really just like to lie down. In fact, I have done more of that in the last year than probably all of my 20s.
Sometimes when I'm not feeling great I will take a camera-off Zoom meeting while lying down, and sometimes I think I'm a genius and sometimes I'm like wait...
You've done it again. While your bachelorette post deeply resonated and hit on many common threads I have been experiencing, feeling, seeing others experience and feel... this week's post felt like you reached in to the depths of the millennial brain/ego/emotional core and exposed it for all of us to see that we aren't alone. It's easy to see the person living it up, having it all, and feeling like what we have isn't enough or fixating on the place we want to be but aren't. What I love how you called out is- that those sentiments and that disparity in how we are each living our lives is so SO unique to our generation, and I hadn't thought about it that way. Thank you so much for your honesty and beautiful writing. It satiates and fills a void that other content just cannot do for me at present. You're a queen!
This gave me useful info to write women better in my books and thus get more money for my shit, so thank you.
Oh I felt so much of this. As an "older millenial" (ugh) I feel simultaneously grateful and guilty that I was able to buy an apartment at 29 that I wouldn't have been able to if I was 29 10 years later because of hideous inflation (and this is the true inflation, not the ridiculous consumer goods baskets that should be deflating because of efficiencies in technology.
I would have loved to see the comparitive figures for men of the same age group. Thanks for summarising all of this though. Fascinating.
Totally–grateful and guilty is a really good way to put that. It's hard to believe how much has changed in the last 10 years. A ton of the figures in this issue are Millennials as a group (including men and all genders!) but I thought some of the stats about women specifically were too interested to pass up. Maybe a mens issue someday for sure :)
Oh I'm so glad to see it separated out! I'm now curious about whether the rate of change has been the same for men and women and, if not, in what direction... I love stats. *nerd*
Another incredible issue. Thank you, Kelly, for better articulating my thoughts, emotions and fears than I could hope to do in such a succinct manner.
I don't want to use this comment section as a venting platform but am so appreciative to know I am not alone and that my feelings are both common and valid.
I look forward to reading the other comments here and possibly contributing something more substantial after I have time to digest and process this stunning piece of writing.
Please, please keep doing the hard work and writing these posts. They are more helpful than you know.
Wow the stats collection on this! New time paid subscriber and feel super seen by this post and the bachelorette party post. The thoughts about milestones is less heavy on me now than it was 10 years ago (I’m 32, almost 33) but after attending a family wedding a few weeks ago and getting the question about when will it be my turn, slash hearing about my cousins’ plans of a traditional life with marriage then children, these thoughts have been simmering in the background. (That instagram of a twitter thread was soooo good!!!!) I’m not engaged, and so thought that the paid posts wouldn’t apply to me, but I’m so glad you did a shoutout about it in this post so I could be wrong! The information you have collected here is fascinating, and I’m also loving the long form comments. Just wanted to say that I’m a fan! Thank you for your work!!! I feel like I’ll be able to better understand myself by reading your insights ❤️
Omg thank you Janet!!! I appreciate that so so much