Okay, yes to that viral piece! I saw it too and was like, should I have a kid then? Hahaha. I’m more vulnerable to parents saying things are great. This week I enjoyed reading all is Rosie’s latest post on how the newborn phase is soooo hard and really appreciated the honesty! I feel like I don’t read that type of stuff enough.
I have always said I want to be an uncle. The responsibilities and expectations of an uncle is totally within my capacity for the kids in my life. I can turn them on to cool things, teach them fart jokes, bring back coins from other countries, and offer to take them fishing (get sushi or fish for good stuff at Goodwill). I love kids, but my stamina for hanging out and being a caretaker is just not enough for full-time parenting. If only we could all be allowed to be whatever part of the village that it takes to raise a child that we are suited for and not just mom or dad.
I’ve never heard of a decision coach but am so obsessed with this idea. Someone who can help you navigate all the complexities and guide you to the answer that’s best for you, not what they think you should do.
I've never heard of a decision coach, but what a brilliant space to create for people. It's those values-driven questions that help us think beyond the cultural norms, right? Thanks for continuing to share links and your personal thoughts too - this is a space I have come to count on for this topic of conversation as an opt-outer, Kelly!
Thanks for sharing Nell’s questions! The first one is one I have not heard before and am mulling over now. Would love the chance for the session with her.
Hi Katherine! I just did my random number generator magic and you're the winner of a free coaching session with Nell! I'll DM you to get your email address :)
One of my friends said last summer that she would make a great dad & not a mom and I think about it a lot. I agree-I love kids & do think I would have them if I could be the dad. But motherhood in its current state is just not something I’m remotely interested in.
This is a conversation my husband and I just had last week, after watching our nephew for the weekend. Since I've been babysitting since I was 12 (alarming), I can turn on the childcare switch pretty easily, which meant that I had a ticker list going of what to do with our nephew. Rather than sharing this list with my husband, I just took over and did all the tasks, which meant he had more free time and mental space during the weekend, and I was exhausted. He really wanted to help out, but it was the ever-present barrier of "well it's just easier if I do this rather than explain what you need to do right now and coach you through it". We discussed how this dynamic might be present if we ever decide to have children of our own, which then turned into a much longer conversation of how we will ever decide whether to have children or not, and ultimately what we want to do in our lives long-term.
I don't even know if I can read that essay without turning into a fire tornado of rage (relating SO hard to that incredible dessert mental health status of the burnt cookie dough a la Cher).
I've been back and forth on kids for years now, feels like very day I have a different perspective that skews yes or no. Because I'm not 100% no it feels like a yes, but because I'm not 100% yes, it feels like an obvious no...trying to work through this with the Motherhood summer slow read as well as many hours with my therapist... *cue nervous laughter and smiling like everything is fine and I'm not just the human equivalent of the dog by the dumpster fire saying "this is fine" meme*
wowowow. i work in film and tv, and i used to think that people became better actors after they had kids. matthew mcousnsgrgty (sp) being one of my prime examples. from his movie mud on, he did seem more focused and talented. but now i realize kids just made MEN better actors. because i wont be having a kid, i used to actually feel like that would stunt my abilities somehow. but now i have a buzz in my veins because i am locked the fuck in. i’ve HAD the ability to care about other people, kid or no kids.
anyway i would love to be considered for that session with nell!
Okay, yes to that viral piece! I saw it too and was like, should I have a kid then? Hahaha. I’m more vulnerable to parents saying things are great. This week I enjoyed reading all is Rosie’s latest post on how the newborn phase is soooo hard and really appreciated the honesty! I feel like I don’t read that type of stuff enough.
I have always said I want to be an uncle. The responsibilities and expectations of an uncle is totally within my capacity for the kids in my life. I can turn them on to cool things, teach them fart jokes, bring back coins from other countries, and offer to take them fishing (get sushi or fish for good stuff at Goodwill). I love kids, but my stamina for hanging out and being a caretaker is just not enough for full-time parenting. If only we could all be allowed to be whatever part of the village that it takes to raise a child that we are suited for and not just mom or dad.
I’ve never heard of a decision coach but am so obsessed with this idea. Someone who can help you navigate all the complexities and guide you to the answer that’s best for you, not what they think you should do.
I've never heard of a decision coach, but what a brilliant space to create for people. It's those values-driven questions that help us think beyond the cultural norms, right? Thanks for continuing to share links and your personal thoughts too - this is a space I have come to count on for this topic of conversation as an opt-outer, Kelly!
so helpful, thank you Kelly!!
Thanks for sharing Nell’s questions! The first one is one I have not heard before and am mulling over now. Would love the chance for the session with her.
Hi Katherine! I just did my random number generator magic and you're the winner of a free coaching session with Nell! I'll DM you to get your email address :)
Hooray thank you!
Well said Kelly, as usual 👏👏
One of my friends said last summer that she would make a great dad & not a mom and I think about it a lot. I agree-I love kids & do think I would have them if I could be the dad. But motherhood in its current state is just not something I’m remotely interested in.
This is a conversation my husband and I just had last week, after watching our nephew for the weekend. Since I've been babysitting since I was 12 (alarming), I can turn on the childcare switch pretty easily, which meant that I had a ticker list going of what to do with our nephew. Rather than sharing this list with my husband, I just took over and did all the tasks, which meant he had more free time and mental space during the weekend, and I was exhausted. He really wanted to help out, but it was the ever-present barrier of "well it's just easier if I do this rather than explain what you need to do right now and coach you through it". We discussed how this dynamic might be present if we ever decide to have children of our own, which then turned into a much longer conversation of how we will ever decide whether to have children or not, and ultimately what we want to do in our lives long-term.
I don't even know if I can read that essay without turning into a fire tornado of rage (relating SO hard to that incredible dessert mental health status of the burnt cookie dough a la Cher).
I've been back and forth on kids for years now, feels like very day I have a different perspective that skews yes or no. Because I'm not 100% no it feels like a yes, but because I'm not 100% yes, it feels like an obvious no...trying to work through this with the Motherhood summer slow read as well as many hours with my therapist... *cue nervous laughter and smiling like everything is fine and I'm not just the human equivalent of the dog by the dumpster fire saying "this is fine" meme*
felt this!!!!!! am mostly decided on no, but still get the snapshot moments every now and again
This was so interesting!
I have one kid and I (mostly) love it. But two? How will I know?
Another well-written essay!
wowowow. i work in film and tv, and i used to think that people became better actors after they had kids. matthew mcousnsgrgty (sp) being one of my prime examples. from his movie mud on, he did seem more focused and talented. but now i realize kids just made MEN better actors. because i wont be having a kid, i used to actually feel like that would stunt my abilities somehow. but now i have a buzz in my veins because i am locked the fuck in. i’ve HAD the ability to care about other people, kid or no kids.
anyway i would love to be considered for that session with nell!
I really love her questions about deciding to have kids or not. I have been grappling with that question for a bit!