I think the connection between caregiving & choosing/not choosing parenthood is interesting. I grew up the oldest of 5 & did a significant amount of caretaking for my siblings as a child. Then I chose a career as an ER doctor & continued to take care of other people. The last few years have left me exhausted from giving so much. This is one of the big reasons I decided not to have kids-at 40 I don’t want to spend at least the next 20 years caregiving.
Totally! And this makes so much sense to me. This is what I would assume, honestly. That’s why Elizabeth’s story struck me so much, it was the opposite of what I expected. Even my story, too. I spent absolutely zero time caregiving growing up or in my career and I still don’t want to do it as an adult. I wonder if people expect me, especially as a woman, to be like… “ready” to be a caregiver, now? I’m still not. (At least not in that way.) I show care for others in different ways.
Thanks for this! I think there is a massive connection between choosing to be childfree and caretaking - it’s on my mind constantly. My partner lost his dad in 2023 after a pretty sudden blood cancer diagnosis - we spent 90% of our time traveling, caring for him, talking about him, his parents future, their house, their time - all of it (no regrets, my FIL is and continues to be my biggest influence, we were very close). All of this to say, the folks and family in my life with kids defaulted to us and my sister in law (also a childfree queen) nearly always - and it really shook us. My dad also was diagnosed with cancer last year (doing well!) and I was thrown into managing his health and my mothers paranoia because of it. There’s an eldest daughter convo, a childfree adult kid convo - so much to unpack here! I feel connected to the person who submitted when they speak about friends. None of my friends at the time (albeit supportive) understood the commitment or our reasoning for being so involved, and those that were doing the kid thing (I’m 31) were out to lunch at the level of loss we were experiencing. I identify big time as the pal who reaches out when I hear parents are sick, until it happens to you it’s so hard to relate. We gotta keep talking about this!!!
God I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through! I agree, there’s so much to unpack here. It’s so true, sometimes it really is hard to show up or relate until something has happened to you. I feel considerably more qualified to support friends who have ended engagements or gone through massive breakups than anything else, which makes sense. And people reach out to me for support in that area too. But caretaking (for kids and parents) is something I have almost no experience with. I absolutely agree, we have to keep talking about all of this! Thank you so much for sharing ❤️
I think the connection between caregiving & choosing/not choosing parenthood is interesting. I grew up the oldest of 5 & did a significant amount of caretaking for my siblings as a child. Then I chose a career as an ER doctor & continued to take care of other people. The last few years have left me exhausted from giving so much. This is one of the big reasons I decided not to have kids-at 40 I don’t want to spend at least the next 20 years caregiving.
Totally! And this makes so much sense to me. This is what I would assume, honestly. That’s why Elizabeth’s story struck me so much, it was the opposite of what I expected. Even my story, too. I spent absolutely zero time caregiving growing up or in my career and I still don’t want to do it as an adult. I wonder if people expect me, especially as a woman, to be like… “ready” to be a caregiver, now? I’m still not. (At least not in that way.) I show care for others in different ways.
I’m sure they do, but women are always expected to caregive in ways that are detrimental to us. Refusal to care in that way is resistance
Thanks for this! I think there is a massive connection between choosing to be childfree and caretaking - it’s on my mind constantly. My partner lost his dad in 2023 after a pretty sudden blood cancer diagnosis - we spent 90% of our time traveling, caring for him, talking about him, his parents future, their house, their time - all of it (no regrets, my FIL is and continues to be my biggest influence, we were very close). All of this to say, the folks and family in my life with kids defaulted to us and my sister in law (also a childfree queen) nearly always - and it really shook us. My dad also was diagnosed with cancer last year (doing well!) and I was thrown into managing his health and my mothers paranoia because of it. There’s an eldest daughter convo, a childfree adult kid convo - so much to unpack here! I feel connected to the person who submitted when they speak about friends. None of my friends at the time (albeit supportive) understood the commitment or our reasoning for being so involved, and those that were doing the kid thing (I’m 31) were out to lunch at the level of loss we were experiencing. I identify big time as the pal who reaches out when I hear parents are sick, until it happens to you it’s so hard to relate. We gotta keep talking about this!!!
God I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through! I agree, there’s so much to unpack here. It’s so true, sometimes it really is hard to show up or relate until something has happened to you. I feel considerably more qualified to support friends who have ended engagements or gone through massive breakups than anything else, which makes sense. And people reach out to me for support in that area too. But caretaking (for kids and parents) is something I have almost no experience with. I absolutely agree, we have to keep talking about all of this! Thank you so much for sharing ❤️
absolutely and thank you for posting!!