Introducing the Sheila Heti Summer Slow Read

Me? A book club? *gasp*

In case you missed it, Friday’s issue was about losing my job of nearly seven years in March. It’s behind the paywall and comments are turned off for what I hope are obvious reasons, but I’m writing to you now in a much better/clearer/happier headspace and feeling ready for what’s coming next! We are moving on!

About a week ago, someone I’ve never met reached out via email to say thank you for writing THE OPT OUT. She said she was so grateful to have models of joyfully childfree people (this newsletter included!) while she went through her own process of deciding whether or not to have kids. I almost cried!

Spilling my guts online via this newsletter for two and a half years has been rewarding by itself, but it’s this kind of intimate connection with all of you that has kept me going. It’s the lovely emails (and comments) I receive, invitations to get drinks when you’re in Minneapolis, and Zoom meet-ups that energize me the most and remind me I have the best subscribers on all of Substack, not to brag or anything!!

I was sitting in the balcony at Orchestra Hall in downtown Minneapolis in February when the scale of this thing suddenly hit me. It was absolutely packed in there – Minnesotans really and truly love the arts – and I Googled how many people were packed into the hall around me. My jaw practically hit my phone when I saw the number: 2,087. There are over 3,400 of you who got this delivered to your inbox today – 1,000+ too many to listen to the Minnesota Orchestra play at any one time?! This realization didn’t just humble me, it energized me. What a special thing we have going here, you guys. I’m so grateful I get to do this.

Thank you for being here, whether you’ve been here for years, or just a few days. Building THE OPT OUT has been an absolute thrill ride and I’m so grateful you’re on this wild rollercoaster of life with me. What a time to be alive.

I have ~three~ exciting and important things to tell you about, so bear with me! They’re all fun in their own ways, promise.

1. Storytime™

I’ve been thinking about doing this for almost a year now, and it’s finally time. I want to hear from you – tell me your stories about your decisions, your indecisions, that insane thing your sister said to you a month ago and you can’t stop thinking about, and I’ll add a little commentary.

Or, ask me your questions about opting out of parenthood, or deciding whether it’s for you, or navigating your friendships in this messy era we find ourselves in – and I’ll do my best to answer them with empathy and perhaps a dash of humor.

Storytime™ will be anonymous and free in my usual Friday newsletters. I’ll still be on my essay game when the mood strikes, but I’m also writing my second novel (!) and much of my creative energy is directed there at the moment.

You (yes you, you who has been reading this newsletter forever but has never commented or interacted with me, hi, hello, you’re real and I’m real and I want to hear from you!) can help me and this community immensely by submitting your story/question using this form:

Don’t worry, I’ll keep reminding you. Maybe you don’t have a story today, but you will next week, or next month. This is a completely free and easy way to support both me and this thing we’ve built, so don’t be shy. We all want to hear from you. (Yes, you.) Can’t wait to discuss.

2. The Sheila Heti Summer Slow Read

All of us this summer

I was in the middle of reading Sheila Heti’s Motherhood when I was let go from my job in March, and I genuinely would put this book in the category of “life changing.”

In two words, Sheila Heti is fucking brilliant. She wrote a 284-page book about her decision whether or not to have kids that is genuinely one of the best and most thought-provoking works of art I’ve ever read. It’s auto-fiction, so not exactly a memoir, but it’s absolutely required reading for anyone who has ever wrestled with the decision of whether or not to journey into motherhood.

Starting May 4th, we’re going down the rabbit hole and doing a slow read of Motherhood together every Sunday, all summer long. I sincerely hope you’ll come along for the ride.

This idea was born out of the fact that I was about to read Motherhood again myself, but then I thought – wait, no. I need everyone to experience this. I need everyone to be talking about this – parents, fencers, child-free women; especially anyone who’s in their “reproductive years.” I’ve pulled out 20 of the most interesting thought-starters directly from the book that I’ll be sending to paid subscribers every Sunday from May through September. You can read the book in tandem as we go, or you can just experience it through these 20 special Sunday issues – your choice!

For maximum effect, if you can’t find a sunny field in the English countryside, read each issue outside with an iced coffee or a glass of rosé and your finger on the “comment” button. If you’re going to read the book as we go, I’ll tell you which pages we’re reading every month on May 4th when the series kicks off so you can add them to your calendar.

And here’s the really fun part: Each issue will also include some audio of me and a friend (or just me, hi!) talking through the topic, and then the comments section will be open for everyone to jump in with their thoughts. I’m not just going to be talking with other child-free by choice women, I’m going to be talking to my real friends: including mothers, child-free women, and those still on the fence. Paul (my dutiful husband) will even make an appearance or two :)

The full series will be available to paid subscribers ($5/month), so if you’re doing the math, that’s $25 to go on this summer slow read journey together, which will culminate in a Zoom session in late September for us to chat about the book live. Here’s a little teaser of what’s coming on Sundays this summer:

#9. Living one way is not a criticism

“Over the next few weeks, I started feeling bad around Nicola, both better than her and ashamed. Why do I think it could matter to Nicola if I don’t have kids? Living one way is not a criticism of every other way of living. Is that the threat of the woman without kids? Yet the woman without kids is not saying that no woman should have kids, or that you – woman with a stroller – have made the wrong choice. Her decision about her life is no statement about yours. One person’s life is not a political or general statement about how all lives should be. Other lives should be able to exist alongside our own without any threat or judgement at all.” –Sheila Heti, Motherhood

I just recorded issue #2 (“Ask not whether the boxes are ticked”) with my friend

Leslie Stephens

a few days ago, and I can’t wait for you to listen to it! It’s very raw and real and honest, which are three things I hope will describe this entire series really well.

See you next Sunday! I genuinely can’t wait to start. (Me? Excited about reading a book with all of you? *gasp*)

3. Creative consulting

Last but not least, I am actually so thrilled to tell you that I’m getting back into consulting! I never left, really, but I’m throwing more energy behind this than I have in the past.

For those of you who don’t know, I’ve worked as a marketing strategist and consultant for small businesses and entrepreneurs for the past 10+ years, and I have both a Bachelor’s and a Master’s degree in marketing. All marketing all the time.

For the very first time, I’m offering consulting for regular people (vs. business people) and by that I mean I’ve been doing this kind of consulting for creative people for years, but always for free, and just with my in-person network. I actually can’t wait because this is secretly the kind of consulting I love the most. Your referrals would mean the world to me! Seriously! This is the kind of work that thrives on referrals. (Or maybe it’s you who wants to chat about a new project?)

Here’s what’s on the menu:

ASK A MARKETER: I help creatives take the leap to finally start something new (or help you decide not to).

– Is this the right format/platform to bring this project to life?
– What’s stopping you?
– How will you keep going in 6-12 months when the novelty wears off?
– What will this project add and/or detract from your life?
– Or, you’ve already decided to start your new project (love this 4 u), but need help telling your story, getting it off the ground, or finding your dream audience

You drive the session. Tell me about your project/idea, and we’ll talk through it together to help you decide on a path forward. I’ll ask you questions you haven’t thought of yet.

1-800-ASK-A-MARKETER (jk this is not a real phone number don’t call it)

– $145 for a 1 hour session
– Mondays & Wednesdays
– Google Meet or phone call

(If you want to chat with me about something else not listed above, just reply to this email! Let’s talk!)

Well, that was a lot, dare I say too much for one email, but I hope this more or less explains what I’m doing now that I’m not doing that other thing I used to do.

Also, if you’re wondering – yes I’m still querying my first novel and that’s all happening in the background, very slowly. I’ll update you if and when I have news 🙂

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Ask me questions in the comments.

See you soon!