FAQ & a welcome note
New here? Right this way.
Hey! I’m kelly, a writer and reality TV enthusiast who eats ranch on everything and can’t shut up about all the various things constantly ping-ponging around in my brain. In a previous life I worked for women’s lifestyle brand, cupcakes and cashmere, and lived in Los Angeles for over a decade before packing it in and heading back to Minneapolis / St. Paul in 2022. I also have a master’s degree in marketing that I never use :)
THE OPT OUT is a community for curious women who find themselves saying “fuck you” to societal norms and pressures that make you want to scream, cry, or stab someone in the eye with a pitchfork. Its main purpose is to normalize the choice not to have children (and investigate how that decision is reflected in media, politics, and pop culture) in a way that doesn’t pit parents and non-parents against each other. 🥲 It’s also about music and books and TV because I can’t help myself.
You may not find a ton of recommendations or other “lifestyle” content here, but you will find ideas to tickle your brain.
This newsletter comes out 2x per week, usually on Fridays and Sundays.
The Friday issue
A weekly essay, 3 links to things I think you should read, and what’s on my bookshelf that week. These issues are free to read (and comment on), and look like this:
“Emma Watson’s diamond ring isn’t what you think it is”
”Suddenly, my life feels like ‘Sex and The City’”
”Chappell Roan said parenting looks like hell”
Once a month-ish, the Friday post turns into an advice column called Storytime™:
“How can I support my parent friends without being a babysitter?”
”I want status AND an easy life”
”It’s inappropriate to be out that late with someone else’s husband”
Submit your own question here.
Sundays
On Sundays I publish a new podcast episode whenever we’re “in season.” If you’re new here, the podcast is actually a book club(!) where we do a slow read of one brain rattling book over the course of a few months, and I interview one of my friends once a week. It’s rad.
Our first book, Sheila Heti’s Motherhood, finished its run in September 2025 and all 21 episodes are available for you to listen at your leisure. Highly recommend if you haven’t decided if you want kids yet or you’ve recently come to the decision that you don’t. Here are the episodes you can listen to for free to get a taste:
“8 essential questions if you’re on the fence about parenthood” with Rachel, my co-conspirator
”Ask not whether the boxes are ticked" with Leslie Stephens
When we’re not in podcast season, I’ll usually publish a longer essay or new music review on Sundays (or Tuesdays), but no guarantees. Something like:
“Substack is the new social media (derogatory)”
“Taylor’s WiSh Li$t is such bullshit, lol”
”36 reasons I don’t want kids”
Monthly ins/outs
Once a month, my recommendations and anti-recommendations for paid subscribers! Get them all here.
Music reviews
When new pop music comes out, chances are good I’m going to spew a full review at you. (In a previous life, my dream job was writing for Pitchfork.) The archive includes:
“Taylor Swift’s new album redefines all of those blues” (The Life of a Showgirl)
”Sabrina Carpenter’s new album has all four of her personalities” (Man’s Best Friend)
”Justin Bieber’s new album is gonna make me crash” (SWAG)
PHONE A FRIEND!
I’m a chatty bitch and there’s nothing I enjoy more than talking with all of you 1:1. You can book a 1 hour slot with me anytime (Thursdays and Fridays) for $50. No gimmicks or fancy shit, just genuine human connection and friendly advice if you want it!
This newsletter does not have any professional “accolades” but it has been reviewed by some of you, which is even better:
“A letter from your wise but funny yet kind friend” – Cass (an IRL friend of mine, she’s biased)
“The safest place on the internet” – Emily
“Read one of Kelly’s issues and you’ll probably want to send her a message asking to be friends” – Morgan
“As always, f*ing nailed it!!” – Karen
“Such a good read, week after week. I read every word and always leave with something to think about for days afterward.” – Cait
Happy you found your way here! I hope you’ll join us in this small corner of the internet that has not turned into an unbearable cesspool. x