As someone with a complicated to read/pronounce first and last name, I always thought I'd change my last name. I even married someone with a simple to read/pronounce last name but when it came time to do the paperwork to change my name, I just didn't. Couldn't be bothered. Now we have two sons with my husband's last name (which is truly fine) and I'm still rocking my name as it was given at my birth.
Honestly, I got closer to dropping my last name entirely when my parents divorced when I was in my early 20s than I have gotten to changing it since I got married.
I did take my husband's name. I hadn't intended to and only at the very last minute at the ceremony did I finally make up my mind so that my dear friend Julie who was officiating could introduce us by the names we had chosen. It felt right then and still feels right now.
I dropped my maiden name and just have a first and last name. My family insists on adding my maiden name as my middle. 33 years in and I've just given up correcting it even though some of the documents they put them on are legal ones.
One of my favorite Bible verses (sorry, I know this isn't a religious space) is Isaiah 43:1 and it says God calls me by my name. MY NAME.
The one I chose.
I think, for me, that is why it irritated me so much that my family insists on sticking my maiden name in the middle is that I CHOSE DIFFERENTLY and they didn't (and still don't) recognize it.
Part of my journey has been to realize that what other people choose to do or don't do does not define me. But it makes me very aware to carefully listen to other peoples' names and carefully remember and use them.
Thank you for your thoughtful essay and the good reminder that NAMES actually do matter. To me and to others.
Thank you for sharing this Sylvia! It is interesting that your family uses your name when you chose to get rid of it (especially the part about legality). I bet there's a deep conversation about identity lurking in there somewhere, if you ever wanted to have it with them
I have been married 3 years and my husband is still (!) having to remind relatives on his side of the family that I did not take his surname. We also had a wedding check that bounced when the person giving it to us simply assumed I would be taking my husband’s name.
I am the very last person to pass on my not common last name and I don’t want children. I feel guilty, but also my family’s (and most importantly, my) legacy aren’t defined by our shared last name.
The alexinomia thing is so interesting. I don’t think (?) my husband has it, but I’ve joked with him before because I say his name probably 15 times a day and he says mine 2-3 times a year, lol
I have finally been diagnosed! 😅 Not being able to say my partner’s name has plagued me for my entire adult life and has actually been a major issue in a previous relationship. Thank you for sharing that article on alexinomia.
I'm taking Onyx Storm slowly on purpose so I also haven't finished (not even halfway)! Josh Heuston as Xaden is a YES from me. Loved him in Dune: Prophecy and need more of him.
no one has ever called me by my husband s surname and i think i might die if they did. i really really like my name and sometimes joke to my husband that he should take it! i remember on an old c&c post you wrote about changing your name -- glad to see you changed your mind!
I have changed my mind on name changing a few times, but I think I have pretty much settled.
1. I refuse to change my name unless my husband also changes his. I am not a fan of hyphens, but he can drop his middle name for my last name. He will not do this, so why should I?
2. My son has the masculine version of my first name as his middle name, and I tell anyone who asks that he is named after me. He does have his father's last name, which I am in support of.
3. When people address me as Mrs. Husband's Last Name, I don't really care at all. I don't even correct them at this point. We've been married for eight years now, it just doesn't phase me.
As someone with a complicated to read/pronounce first and last name, I always thought I'd change my last name. I even married someone with a simple to read/pronounce last name but when it came time to do the paperwork to change my name, I just didn't. Couldn't be bothered. Now we have two sons with my husband's last name (which is truly fine) and I'm still rocking my name as it was given at my birth.
Honestly, I got closer to dropping my last name entirely when my parents divorced when I was in my early 20s than I have gotten to changing it since I got married.
I did take my husband's name. I hadn't intended to and only at the very last minute at the ceremony did I finally make up my mind so that my dear friend Julie who was officiating could introduce us by the names we had chosen. It felt right then and still feels right now.
I dropped my maiden name and just have a first and last name. My family insists on adding my maiden name as my middle. 33 years in and I've just given up correcting it even though some of the documents they put them on are legal ones.
One of my favorite Bible verses (sorry, I know this isn't a religious space) is Isaiah 43:1 and it says God calls me by my name. MY NAME.
The one I chose.
I think, for me, that is why it irritated me so much that my family insists on sticking my maiden name in the middle is that I CHOSE DIFFERENTLY and they didn't (and still don't) recognize it.
Part of my journey has been to realize that what other people choose to do or don't do does not define me. But it makes me very aware to carefully listen to other peoples' names and carefully remember and use them.
Thank you for your thoughtful essay and the good reminder that NAMES actually do matter. To me and to others.
Thank you for sharing this Sylvia! It is interesting that your family uses your name when you chose to get rid of it (especially the part about legality). I bet there's a deep conversation about identity lurking in there somewhere, if you ever wanted to have it with them
wow i've just diagnosed myself with alexinomina. i say my husband's name so infrequently, he comments EVERY single time i do it.
YES! I love this, it's real
I have been married 3 years and my husband is still (!) having to remind relatives on his side of the family that I did not take his surname. We also had a wedding check that bounced when the person giving it to us simply assumed I would be taking my husband’s name.
3 years!!! Woof
I am the very last person to pass on my not common last name and I don’t want children. I feel guilty, but also my family’s (and most importantly, my) legacy aren’t defined by our shared last name.
The alexinomia thing is so interesting. I don’t think (?) my husband has it, but I’ve joked with him before because I say his name probably 15 times a day and he says mine 2-3 times a year, lol
I have finally been diagnosed! 😅 Not being able to say my partner’s name has plagued me for my entire adult life and has actually been a major issue in a previous relationship. Thank you for sharing that article on alexinomia.
Incredible! Now you can tell your partner it's a real thing! 😂
okay but i need to hear josh heuston growl to really solidify it
Totally fair
I'm taking Onyx Storm slowly on purpose so I also haven't finished (not even halfway)! Josh Heuston as Xaden is a YES from me. Loved him in Dune: Prophecy and need more of him.
Yes love him in Dune Prophecy!!
no one has ever called me by my husband s surname and i think i might die if they did. i really really like my name and sometimes joke to my husband that he should take it! i remember on an old c&c post you wrote about changing your name -- glad to see you changed your mind!
I have changed my mind on name changing a few times, but I think I have pretty much settled.
1. I refuse to change my name unless my husband also changes his. I am not a fan of hyphens, but he can drop his middle name for my last name. He will not do this, so why should I?
2. My son has the masculine version of my first name as his middle name, and I tell anyone who asks that he is named after me. He does have his father's last name, which I am in support of.
3. When people address me as Mrs. Husband's Last Name, I don't really care at all. I don't even correct them at this point. We've been married for eight years now, it just doesn't phase me.