#65. What's your Enneagram type?

Apparently I’ve had mine (kind of) wrong this whole time

Mar 06, 2024

As I mentioned in this issue, I’m now three weeks into a coaching program designed to help me find some clarity with my current and future career path. Rather than choosing a more traditional career coach, after a few weeks of searching through what felt like every dusty corner of the internet, I chose someone around my age who bills herself as more of a “fulfillment” coach, which is exactly what I’m actually looking for. One of the first things my coach had me do was take an “official” Enneagram test two weeks ago–a language she speaks quite fluently–and my brain is still spinning. Welcome to the chaos!!

If you’ve never heard of the Enneagram, it’s yet another personality typing system that I would consider one of the core four–at least if you’re a Millennial–alongside Myers-Briggs, astrology, and Hogwart’s houses (lol).

I first discovered the Enneagram in my mid twenties. I grew up speaking Myers-Briggs terminology, thanks to my mother who went back to school for a PhD in sociology when I was 10 years-old, and for a long time that was really the only personality typing system I needed.

Sometime in my 20s, though, I started dabbling in others that were gaining popularity. Since then, I’ve fucked around with Enneagram, astrology, Strengths Finder, Kolbe, DiSC, Big Five, and on and on. I especially enjoy the fictional personality-based sorting systems, like Harry Potter’s Hogwart’s houses and Divergent’s factions. I like some of them better than others, that’s for sure, but generally speaking, I find the whole thing really fascinating and fun.

I’ve observed that the general reaction to personality typing systems runs the gamut from extremely enthusiastic to absolutely abhorrent. Some people really resist being “typed” because they feel put into a box, which is stifling. Or, they’re just completely uninterested in understanding themselves and others better and think the entire industry–which is estimated to be worth $6.5 billion by 2027–is bullshit. I’m sure you’ve met someone who has basically responded with a version of “not today, Satan” when you’ve asked what their MBTI type or astrological sign is. Unless you are that person, in which case I’m sure you’ve never asked, lol.

For better or worse, I am a person who is constantly in the middle of a search for deeper self-discovery and understanding the world around me. Thus, I love people-sorting systems. I wouldn’t call myself a fanatic, but Paul and I are definitely guilty of using Myers-Briggs terminology in everyday conversation. We use it as shorthand for describing somewhat complex ideas that are encapsulated by the eight letters that make up the 16 Myers-Briggs types. Paul will often describe people, art, or ideas as “very N” (i.e. intuitive, deep, abstract, complex) and I’ve been known to tell him that “my J is pinging” when our house gets really messy and it’s making me anxious. It’s just a faster way to express what we really mean.

Created in the 1960’s by Oscar Ichazo, the philosophy that the Enneagram is based on uses components from several different disciplines, including Christianity, mystical Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, and the ancient Greeks. I find this aspect of it really compelling. Enneagram is also different from the other major personality typing systems I’m most familiar with in that it’s difficult to assign a type to someone else unless you know them really well. Myers-Briggs and Hogwart’s houses are based on a lot of external actions and personality traits that can be directly observed by others, and if we’re talking astrology, you just need to know someone’s birthday (according to the internet, if someone asks you what time and place you were born though, you should run, lol).

Enneagram, by contrast, is based on a person’s core fears, desires, vices, and intrinsic motivations, which aren’t as readily accessible on the surface. I even had my own type wrong until two weeks ago.

Where Enneagram is concerned, I’ve always identified as a 3w4. For the uninitiated, that basically means that I identified as a type 3 (ambitious, motivated, competent, energetic, productive, charismatic) with some traits of a type 4 (romantic, creative, expressive, sensitive, authentic, empathetic). I’ve gotten this result over and over pretty much every time I’ve ever taken a free internet quiz to help determine my Enneagram type, which is always a number between 1-9 with a “wing” that has to be adjacent to your main type number (the Enneagram is a circle, so type 9 is next to 8 and 1). According to Integrative 9, here is a quick look at all the types:

1 – Strict Perfectionist

Ones seek a world that is structured. Valuing facts, precision and clarity, they avoid mistakes and strive for improvement.

2 – Considerate Helper

Twos want to be helpful and supportive. They are warm, giving, people-oriented, and have big hearts, sensing when others are struggling.

3 – Competitive Achiever

Every three is a 'doer'. They tend to be practical, success-oriented and task-driven. They make effective plans to reach their goals and success.

4 – Intense Creative

Fours search for meaning, depth and authenticity. They are emotionally sensitive, creative, expressive individuals who are attuned to their environment.

5 – Quiet Specialist

Fives are logical thinkers, observing and exploring how the world works. They are private individuals who value knowledge.

6 – Loyal Skeptic

Sixes value trust, responsibility and loyalty. Their need to feel safe means they easily tune into potential danger and think in skeptical ways.

7 – Enthusiastic Visionary

Sevens are fast-minded futurists. They want to experience all the good in life, lighten up the mood, and move things forward.

8 – Active Controller

Eights like to lead and move obstacles out of the way. They are guarded but caring and protective of those around them.

9 – Adaptive Peacemaker

Nines are the glue between people with their friendly, grounding and stable demeanor. They struggle to say no, and often avoid conflict.

This is the first time I’ve ever taken an “official” Enneagram test–the kind that takes about 30-40 minutes to complete and isn’t free. And though I wasn’t totally off in my assumptions about myself guided by every free Enneagram test I’ve ever taken, imagine my shocked face when my test results revealed I’m actually a type 4 with a strong 3 wing. And I have been this entire time, since your Enneagram type never changes.

These enneagram collages are so extra yet INCREDIBLE lol

After digging into all of this more in my quest to understand this personal news, what I understand to be the biggest difference between type 3 and 4 (and why I’m actually a 4) is:

I do let my emotions get in the way of my productivity
I don’t really curate an idealized “best” version of myself online–what you see is what you get (even when it isn’t shiny)

I often get overwhelmed by my emotions (even if I don’t always show it), and sometimes I push through, but other times I don’t. I’ll bust my ass to get this newsletter out on time every week, but I’ll go completely dark on Instagram for months at a time because I just don’t have the emotional bandwidth, and I do it to protect my mental health.

Parasocial relationships can be weird/tricky, but I genuinely feel that any of you who met me IRL would not be very surprised by the person you meet. I might be a little shy or reserved at first, but I’m an open book to a fault even with people I don’t know, which is very much not a characteristic of type 3. I tend to unconsciously gravitate towards the “heart” triad (types 2, 3, 4) in many of my friendships, and my type 3 friends are generally much more private and have stronger boundaries with what they’ll share online than I do. By contrast, I’ll give you a front row seat to the best and worst of me… even if you’d rather see a more heavily curated (and positive) version of me, lol. It’s hard to admit you’re kind of a downer sometimes!!! (***cries in type 4***)

I spent last week poring over the 23-page document with my test results genuinely laughing and nodding my head almost the whole way through, even at the parts that are a little painful to read about yourself (i.e. character flaws and weaknesses, like pessimism, envy, and anger). The characteristics of Enneagram type 4–the “Intense Creative” or “The Individualist”–are surprisingly spot on for me. There are a few things that don’t resonate, which I think is an important point about literally any personality test result you might get, but overall I’d say it’s pretty accurate. Here are a few of the highlights (and lowlights):

Your thinking is likely to be characterized by high levels of creativity and intuition, often with a quirky sense of humor
You focus your attention on expressing yourself authentically
You probably enjoy telling personal stories 🙃
You go to great lengths to share your feelings and experiences in an open, authentic way
Your vices are envy and fantasy; you often have a dissatisfaction with ordinary reality (is this why I read so much sci-fi and fantasy???)
Even though you desire to draw people close, others may experience you as self-absorbed (ouch)
Your search for the missing aspects of your life can create eternal discontent and break down your self-esteem (***I’m the problem it’s meeeeeeee***)
You thrive in environments where you feel respected for your unique contribution and ideas
You tend to focus on what is missing, desire things you don’t have, and reject what you do have
Your ability to self-reflect may be very well developed
People may find your stories too long, over-involved, or abstract (hahahahaha)

I’ve always been very turned off by the idea that type 4’s are often seen as moody, self-absorbed, and intense, which I don’t think describes me very well. I told my coach this is the main reason I didn’t see myself as a type 4 before, and I think I’m very good at regulating my emotions, especially in a work environment. I don’t really see my other type 4 friends this way, either. Maaaaybe just a little. But according to Wikipedia, there isn’t complete alignment in the definition of the types among all the Enneagram teachers out there, and I believe that. I bet some of them dislike type 4s more than others and tend to ~exaggerate~ our bad qualities. (What type 4 hurt you, Enneagram Institute???)

So what to do with these results? Right now I’m trying to soak this information into my brain and process what it could all mean in regards to my professional self. I’m doing a lot of different exercises as I go through coaching, and Enneagram is just one of them. It’s been genuinely helpful to better understand my desires, fears, vices, strengths, and traps, especially as I think through how they could (and do) relate to my work. What careers/jobs are good for people who are empathetic, connection-driven, and enjoy nurturing one-on-one relationships, but who also need to feel that they are able to authentically express their individual, unique identity while they’re making a difference in the world, and have a drive to produce results and be seen as influential and/or successful??? Asking for a friend 🙃

Just for fun, here’s the rest of my personality test results that I can remember. Although I guess some of these could definitely be a little wrong, as I learned with Enneagram:

Myers-Briggs: ENFJ
Enneagram: 4w3
Astrology: Cancer
Hogwart’s House: Ravenclaw
DiSC: I (influence)
Kolbe: 6, 4, 9, 2
Human Design: Generator
Divergent Faction: I think I was born into Erudite, and probably would have stayed there

Okay but enough about me! Come tell me about you! What’s your Enneagram type??? If you’ve never taken the Enneagram test and you’re curious, here’s a free one, and here’s the long one I just took that costs $60 but gives you very detailed results.

Come tell me more in the comments; they’re open to everyone and all personality types for this issue. Come discuss, debate, and celebrate (or cry about) your type! I’m sprinkling magic type 4 dust on everyone to help you open up and tell me your deep, dark truths 😉 Even you, type 3s!!!