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Emily's avatar

Argh - I really felt for this person! I completely agree with everything you said, Kelly. You articulated it SO well (as per!).

I do think the societal pressure is MASSIVE and people need to give themselves a break. We are so conditioned to buy a house / get married / have kids. But WHY?!

My friends and I are on the fence and we keep having the same conversations - WHY do we want to get married? Because society says we should? For the wedding? For the party? For the honeymoon? Or for the actual marriage itself?

I know I personally have felt the pressure and I really need to sit down and work out my own WHY?

Anyway; loved it.

PS - Melinda and I are emailing!!!

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Hayley's avatar

Such a lovely essay Kelly - very well considered!

My partner and I are 30 and have been together over 5 years. We're both in agreement that we don't intend to get married. We live in New Zealand and here there are no real logistical/tax/legal benefits to getting married, so it really comes down to getting married because the symbolism of having a union and then getting to call each other husband or wife is meaningful to you (and, let's be honest, for many people, because they want to have a wedding - no hate if that's you).

For us that symbol has just never really resonated. My parents are in a 30+ year de facto relationship and so for me that's the norm. My partner and I find it pretty difficult to untangle the symbol of marriage from it's religious/unfeminist origins and so we're quite happy remaining in our unmarried state. I totally support my friends' marriages/weddings though - it's just very much a "great for her, not for me" thing.

One thing I'd note though is that it's been surprising how many sarcastic or just blatantly rude comments we get about not being married. We live in probably the most left-wing place in the country but still get frequent "jokes" about "living in sin". The conditioning that marriage = a virtuous relationship runs deep! The worst was when an ex-manager, who thinks of herself as very progressive, told me to enjoy my "single, child-free weekend with no responsibilities whatsoever" (wrong on so, so many levels!). This was after she'd met my partner at least 5 times.

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