#83. Spicy little essays

Three of them, to be exact

Sometimes it’s best to be honest: I was midway through a spicy little essay this week when it occurred to me that I should probably take my time finishing it, lest I ~offend~ anyone, lol. I wrote another flaming hot essay about a conversation I had with my mother almost two months ago that I’ve been sitting on, wondering like, do I actually want to publish that??? (Clearly I still haven’t decided 🙃).

I’m also elbows deep in draft two of my book at the moment, rounding the corner to the finish line, so there’s a ton of writing happening over here, but not all of it fit for immediate consumption.

My apologies!

So instead, today’s issue is dedicated to three spicy little essays I’ve read recently that I absolutely think are worth your eyeballs, and I’ll see you on Monday or Tuesday with my September wrap-up (how?!)

“your fave is selling a pedophilic fantasy” by Jade Hurley for

JADE FAX

This essay begins: “I’m going to allow you to read the title of this essay, take a deep breath, then join me in the discourse. Ardent defenders of white, blonde popstars: You can do this.” Hehe.

This is a surprising essay about Sabrina Carpenter, girlhood, and femininity. It’s long as fuck and I devoured the entire thing in one sitting – it’s one of the most thought-provoking things I’ve read in months:

“Here’s the rub: While her content is maturing, Sabrina Carpenter’s packaging is regressing. Her music is made for women, but her branding intentionally communicates a particular version of Girl. Unfortunately, I’m not talking about Substack-essay-girlhood-type emotional regression; the Sabrina Carpenter machine is using a ‘90s-era, hyper-sexualized girlhood as the core aesthetic for an adult singer. And, intentional or not, this branding decision offers audiences the choice of pedophilic fantasy. Knowing American culture, by and large, they will take it.

I also believe Sabrina’s stature adds a unique layer to all this. Like I mentioned earlier, Sabrina’s size is routinely mentioned—by her, her team, her interviewers, and her fans—in her core brand. In fact, Short n’ Sweet is meant to be a cheeky reference to her being only 5’. Her smallness only adds to her allure as the Western Feminine, and puts fire behind the pedophilic fantasy her team is selling. But there’s reason for this beyond adherence to American beauty standards—short, white girls gain favor with men because of their smallness.”

Katy Perry: 143 Album Review by Rich Juzwiak for Pitchfork

I think this is one of the most scathing reviews for an album I’ve ever read (which is saying a lot, as album reviews are a genre of writing I go out of my way to read on the regular) – I’m shocked the reviewer still gave it a 4.5/10. (I also listened to the whole album and yes… it’s really that bad). Here are a few of the best little sound bites from the review:

“But Katy Perry is weird like Olive Garden is exotic: not really at all, and everything is suffocated in cheese.”

“When she does weave evocative imagery, the vibes are off. “Say the right thing, maybe you can be/Crawlin’ on mе like a centipedе,” is supposed to be a come-on in the horny “Gimme Gimme” but yuck, who wants bugs in their bed?”

“Weird momentary echoes of past songs rattle around 143, like Luke and company are blindly rummaging around a junk drawer of pop music.”

“The guests here—Kim Petras, Doechii, JID, and 21 Savage—seem at best obliged, at worst blackmailed.”

“Like Witness, 143 is a spectacular flop, but it’s a strange one—like one of those restaurants that looks nice and has an expensive menu but serves food so mid as to be insulting.”

“Aside from some fleeting hellacious decisions, like the jump scare of a warbling child’s voice that opens the cloying final track “Wonder,” 143 is mostly just…there. The flop cycle is a hard thing to get out of.”

“Consider what occurs to one’s sense of self when universal praise dries up—that kind of identity-dissolution is woven into 143’s chintzy fabric. One day you’re ablaze, burning yourself into corneas the world over. Then you’re just a smoky outline of what you once were. And then you’ve disappeared entirely. Just like a firework.”

“Why Did I Stop Loving My Cat When I Had a Baby?” by Anonymous for The Cut

This essay outraged so many people that the editor-in-chief of New York Magazine had to release a statement that harassment and threats directed at his staff are unacceptable. There’s also an update about the cat in this story, Lucky, at the top of the essay ensuring everyone that the cat is fine (which has always been anonymous – you know that means it’s meant to incite Opinions):

“Birthing a child is an efficient way to shatter certain delusions while fostering a set of brand-new ones, and pets seem to suffer from this shift. I don’t know many pet-having persons for whom the introduction of a baby didn’t cause a plummeting of interest in the legacy mammal. In some cases, this disillusionment is temporary, in others permanent. Cats, being standoffish in nature, tend to be grievously neglected; dogs, having nonnegotiable daily needs, are more often resented. The cost of a pet can become a special locus of bitterness. One parent, Audrey (not her real name; everyone in this story was granted a pseudonym), determined that “$10,000 is the absolute upper limit of how much I would spend to save the dog’s life, whereas my previous answer would have been ‘infinity.’ ” “It’s so bad,” Camilla, who has two children, told me. “The dog needed surgery on her leg at the beginning of June, and I asked the vet if I could put her down instead. He looked at me like I was a monster. I shelled out $5,000 we don’t have on the fucking dog instead of the millions of other things we needed it for.”

It’s an exciting week for books! I’m in the middle of The God of The Woods at the moment and haven’t quite finished, but there are three new books this week I wanted to slide on your radar:

Somewhere Beyond The Sea by T.J. Klune – This is the sequel to one of my all-time favorite cozy fantasies!!!! It’s already a NYT Bestseller and I will absolutely read this, no questions asked. I re-read The House in The Cerulean Sea again a few months ago and loved it just as much a second time; Lucy 4ever.

Adam and Evie’s Matchmaking Tour by Nora Nguyen (a.k.a. my incredibly talented friend

Thao Thai

!) – Thao took the world of books by storm last year with her debut novel, Banyan Moon, and now she’s back* (under a pen name!) with a romance novel. It centers around a matchmaking tour in Vietnam which is 1000% up my alley and I can’t wait to read it. Congrats, Thao!! :)

*Read her post about becoming a debut novelist for the second time here.

Intermezzo by Sally Rooney – You probably already knew this, but yes, Rooney is back this month to grace the literary world with another work of Millennial genius, or whatever. I didn’t read her last one and I DNF’d Conversations With Friends this summer (honestly, I thought it was boring and the lack of quotation marks drove me nuts!!), but I already have FOMO so I’ll probably read Intermezzo once one of my friends is finished and will let me borrow it.

Speaking of spicy little things, I started season two of Tell Me Lies and I am just absolutely loving every juicy second of it. This show about a group of toxic college students gives me a bit of nostalgia for the original Gossip Girl (but without all the money, unfortunately) and when my husband asked me what the fresh hell I was watching, I responded: “messy hot people doing messy hot things.” If that’s your genre, run don’t walk to catch up so you can join me as I watch Grace Van Patten make out with Thomas Doherty and/or (her IRL boyfriend) Jackson White every Wednesday for the rest of my life.

I’m taking a bit of an internet break at the moment, but I’m still around, kind of! Have a great weekend!!!