#72. Writing and thinking and writing

Hey! Missed ya!

New fashion accessory, le Mac, goes with everything

Hey! Wow–I’ve unintentionally been away from this newsletter a little longer than I thought I would be. Time is absolutely flying by. I almost had a heart attack the other day when I looked at the calendar and realized we are almost halfway through the year. Mentally, for me, it’s still late April and spring has just barely started. But somehow, Paul turned forty, the purple flowers in my backyard that only bloom for two weeks in May have come and gone, one of my close friends had a baby even though I swore she only told me she was pregnant like a week ago, and I turn thirty-five in exactly a month. Despite all the rain we’ve been getting (supposedly May was one of the wettest on record for the Twin Cities), it’s going to be in the 80s all week! Summer is here!

I’m writing this issue at 11:00pm last Friday night, after just having been out to drinks in St. Paul with two incredible readers (hi Hannah and Alaina!) who have inspired me to actually write down the little update that has been swirling in my head for a few weeks. These thoughts are very off the cuff and not in any way well constructed, just a little brain dump of updates.

For anyone else out there with a job that requires you to be Very Online, I highly recommend yanking the plug out of the wall for a period of time and connecting with people IRL. It’s really so refreshing.

First off, some writing news! I’ve been DEEP in book writing land for the past few months (I think I’ve been writing about 30-40 hours a week since March?), and I’m currently almost finished with my first draft. I’m genuinely thrilled with the story and so so very excited to actually write the ending, which I will go back to working on immediately after I set this piece to publish. I pictured the ending very early on in the plotting/writing process and now that I’m actually starting to write it, it’s just as thrilling as I had hoped it would be. (Or I mean like, I think so, which is all that matters at the moment, lol).

I also finally figured out What This Book Is About™️, which I think is ultimately: Women should have freedom of choice and autonomy over their own lives, even when society (or the government) tells them what they can/can’t do, or who they should strive to be. And also, that women who don’t want children or don’t have a natural instinct towards parenting or are not “defective.” There’s also romance, sex, betrayal, murder, friendship, mysterious disappearances, and a reality television show (I am who I am!) and let me just say–I am having the most fun writing it. Which is why I’ve been away from Substack for longer than I intended, honestly. Working on one longer project that I can fully immerse myself in with no deadlines has been a true delight.

About a week or two ago, I found my mind drifting to Substack while I was writing, which I took as a sign that it might be time to come back! I’ve missed connecting with everyone this way. I really needed this break and the time to focus on my other writing and I am so glad I took it – thank you so much to everyone who reached out while I was away to say you missed seeing me in your inbox every week! It was genuinely so nice to hear from you!

Best writing buddy 🥹

I’m starting to feel more mentally/emotionally/logistically ready to return to your inbox in a new-and-improved way. I know it’s not a coincidence that I’ve been feeling more ready to be back on Substack the closer I get to the end of the first draft of my book–I’m honestly not totally sure if I can write a weekly newsletter and immerse myself in writing fiction (quickly) at the same time (while also having a job, and other freelance projects, and a life). I’m constantly reminded of the idea that “women can have it all, but not all at the same time.” I think that’s possibly more true for me now than at any other point in my life.

I haven’t completely landed on what exactly “coming back to Substack” means yet. I know I mentioned previously that I was considering a “re-brand” for this newsletter, and that is still true. It’s definitely happening. Writing curious times for about a year and a half has been a very fun phase one, but it feels like it’s time for a second draft of the project. The second draft is definitely going to be better anyway, because the first draft can be kind of messy, and should be; it’s a phase full of discovery, figuring out what works and what doesn’t. I think I’ve learned so many valuable lessons that I am going to take with me into this newsletter’s second draft, and I hope you’ll feel that the changes are an improvement from a reader perspective (not just my own).

That said, I know there is no way to please everyone! Some of you may love the next iteration, and others might not connect with it. There’s no way of knowing for sure. But again, I’m really excited about it, and I hope that will show in the work. I’m planning to start small (while I’m finishing the first draft of my book and honestly just enjoying summer; when you live in Minnesota you have to go outside while you can) and then ramping up with more when I feel ready.

I do have an idea for a new name, format, and focus for this newsletter, and I think I’m just in the part of the process where I am letting it sink in just to make sure I still like it all a week from now, you know? Earlier this year, I had a totally different idea for what I wanted to do next with this newsletter, and the more I sat with it, the more I decided it was actually the wrong direction. Looking back, I’m glad I didn’t jump on it too quickly. I definitely suffer from Shiny Object Syndrome, and I am drawn to my current idea because I think it has more staying power. I’ve been thinking about it in some form now for years.

My absolute favorite part of being a Substack writer is connecting with all of you about some topic we mutually find interesting. Nothing makes me happier than starting an actual conversation through writing, and I’d like to really focus on building this corner of the internet in a way that encourages you to jump in and add your thoughts to the conversation. The first draft taught me that the discourse feels just as important as the writing itself. Eventually, I’d love for there to also be an offline component to all of this as well. I really, really like doing stuff in the real world. My ultimate dream is to meet up with all of you in different cities to connect IRL, someday. Connecting through a screen 100% of the time just doesn’t feel like enough.

I have a good feeling I’ll be back in your inbox with another update soon. If you’re reading this, thank you so much for sticking around! Until then, here are a few recommendations from the past few months:

Read–

The Husbands by Holly Gramazio. My book club read this in June and it’s our highest collectively rated book since we started a year and a half ago. 

Watch–

Dark Matter on AppleTV+. So far I am loving the adaptation of one of the handful of novels I’ve ever given a 10/10.

Listen–

eternal sunshine by Ariana Grande. One of the best albums I’ve listened to in a long time. The first listen feels like just another collection of meaningless pop songs, but go deep enough and it will punch you in the gut. (I’ve also been listening to HIT ME HARD AND SOFT by Billie Eilish on repeat).

K bye (but see you again very soon),
Kelly