#71. The Tortured Poets Department

Is not quite as tortured as I was expecting, I guess?

Well Swifties, The Tortured Poets Department is finally here. And it’s thirty-one songs! I did basically nothing else yesterday other than pore over all the lyrics and break down the album song-by-song with a friend who came over for a listening party, and it took a loooooooong time. I’m still on a break from Substack, but you know I couldn’t resist popping my head back in with a reaction to this album. This issue will mostly just be my unfiltered thoughts, and not super polished! I know you understand!!! 🕺

Overall, I’m basically in agreement with reviews from The New York Times and The Atlantic, which I’ll leave you to read at your leisure. This album is fine. It isn’t bad by any means, but it isn’t a stroke of genius (like many of her previous albums, I would argue). It’s unedited and slightly unpolished; a reflection of an extremely tumultuous year or two for Taylor, for a multitude of reasons. It will grow on me as I continue to listen to it, like most Taylor Swift albums do. “Fortnight” has already taken up residence in my brain and refuses to leave. But, notably, I haven’t cried yet. And with a name like The Tortured Poets Department, that feels like a letdown!

Here are my top 5 takeaways from The Tortured Poets Department:

1. Taylor still needs an editor

I mean, so do I! Lol. But Taylor is a billionaire who has been releasing albums that are a little too long since Red, and not in a good way. More songs is fun, and call me old-fashioned, but I still crave a neatly packaged, curated list of 13-15 songs with 1-3 bonus tracks that all are distinct and interesting, but clearly go together sonically. Red, Lover, and Tortured Poets are the worst offenders in the “needed editing before release” category. I guess I wish we would have gotten our surprise second album a few months from now, like she did with folklore and evermore; even though I would argue that most of the songs in the second half of the anthology aren’t strong enough to be TS12 and represent their own era.

Why not drop 5-10 “From The Vault” songs a year from now instead? Or release a few singles over the next few months (like she did with “You’re Losing Me” and “Hits Different?”) There were a lot of options than didn’t involve a surprise second album releasing on the same day.

Taylor is the biggest pop star we have right now, and so I think she pretty much gets to do whatever she wants to do. But this album is better if we cut all the stuff we don’t need and make it tighter and more thematic. Don’t worry, I have that track list below 😉

2. I miss Max Martin…

This album, overall, is a bit underwhelming. There are some great moments on it, but no one song is truly heart pounding, hands are shaking, I-have-been-transported-to-a-new-dimension amazing. I would argue that all of her albums before this have That Song–“Anti-Hero,” “champagne problems,” “exile,” “Cruel Summer,” “Don’t Blame Me,” Blank Space,” All Too Well,” “Enchanted,” “Love Story” (some of these albums have multiple hits, as you know, but these felt the most obvious to me)–but I really don’t see it on this album. Do you?

Maybe it will take a while to emerge; I think that was the case with “champagne problems,” if I am remembering correctly, and that’s now the song that got a seven-minute standing ovation when I saw it in L.A. last summer. I think “Fortnight” is the best candidate. But I can’t help but feel like it won’t stand the test of time like the others on the hit list. I also have my eye on “Down Bad” and “Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?” for THE SONG. I guess we’ll see.

It is telling that the best song on this album is a collaboration with Post Malone, and it’s the first time she’s ever put a collaboration song first on an album. I did not give a single song on this album a 5/5 rating, which to me means Taylor isn’t taking enough risks or collaborating with people who can take her to new places with her music.

Remember the first time she worked with Jack Antonoff? We got 1989. (Notably, Max Martin is all over that album, too.) I was 25 when that album came out and I remember sitting in a grocery store parking lot in L.A. sobbing, and I wasn’t even the fan that I am now yet. “This Love” and “Wildest Dreams” still make me cry, ten years later, when I am no longer being tortured by stupid, selfish boys.

And the first time she worked with Aaron Dessner? She delivered folklore, the quarantine album we all wanted and needed. Notably, both of these albums won Album of the Year at the Grammys. But working with pretty much just Jack and Aaron for the fourth album in a row is feeling a little tired. And yes, I know Midnights won AOTY too. It was actually really good, and it gave us “Anti-Hero,” my favorite Taylor Swift song of all time. (Yep, I said it.) The songs on Tortured Poets are good, because these three musicians are VERY talented. But we don’t have anything groundbreaking here. Nothing I want to sing-scream at the top of my lungs, you know?

Listen, would a Max Martin banger have worked on an album called The Tortured Poets Department? Maybe not, but Max gave us “Don’t Blame Me,” which is more of the vibe I was hoping for here. I love when Taylor takes us to the church of her pains and pleasures. I love Jack Antonoff and Aaron Dessner, but I hope Taylor calls Max for TS12. I have a feeling we’re in for something glittery.

For the uninitiated, Max Martin is a Swedish producer/songwriter who is partially responsible for a lot of the best / most fun Taylor Swift songs we’ve ever had grace our ears, including:

• Style

• New Romantics

• Wildest Dreams

• Blank Space

• Bad Blood

• Don’t Blame Me

• I Did Something Bad

• Dancing With Our Hands Tied

3. Joe Alwyn really sounds like a drag

This album’s release was not actually a bad day to be Joe Alwyn, which was actually really surprising! I mean, she’s been writing about Joe for seven years, so maybe she’s just kind of over it at this point. All the songs about Joe are sad, and Taylor makes it very clear here (and before this, honestly) that Joe was depressed when he was with Taylor, at least at the end. Poor introvert decides to date one of the most famous women in the world and he’s all depressed about not being able to have a “normal” life. Lol. I know it’s more complicated than that, but I guess I’m just glad that Taylor has at least moved past her era of trying so hard to make a quiet, sad boi smile.

4. Taylor actually fell in love with Matty Healy!?

This is perhaps the biggest revelation from Tortured Poets. Taylor loved Matty Healy. And when their brief relationship didn’t work out, it kind of destroyed her? And she was really mad at everyone who was judging her for dating him. (Like, ultra fucking pissed, as evidenced in the scathing lyrics of “But Daddy I Love Him”).

So Taylor was going through two breakups around this time last year!? Woof. Let me just say I was not expecting how many of these songs seem to be aimed at the tattooed golden retriever who clearly also struggles with addiction. It’s not like we were all wrong that he was a chaotic ball of bad news (“woah, maybe I can’t”), but Taylor is getting really sick of the judgment and unsolicited opinions that come along with her fame. Tortured Poets makes that very clear.

5. Taylor didn’t close the door on a reunion with Harry Styles until meeting Travis Kelce

Okay we don’t know this for sure, but I secretly worship at the altar of Taylor and Harry getting back together someday. I’ve had a theory for a while about a few of her songs being loosely inspired by Harry past the 1989 era, and most of them have a theme of being haunted by the “what if” between them.

Taylor isn’t on the best terms with a few of her exes (Matty, Jake, John…), but she is notably completely fine with Harry. Remember when she stood up and danced while he sang “As It Was” at the Grammys last year? (Is that song about Taylor???? Sorry, I put on a tin foil hat whenever Haylor is mentioned…). I believe that we got FOUR Harry-centric tracks on the album that completely confirm this theory for me. If you’d like to dive in with me, here are the tracks I think are secretly about Harry Styles. I think she’s been writing about him for years.

• I Knew You Were Trouble

• The entirety of 1989 (Taylor’s Version) including all the Vault tracks

• Death By a Thousand Cuts

• the 1

• cardigan

• gold rush

• right where you left me

• Maroon

• Question…?

• Guilty As Sin?

• Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

• The Bolter

• Peter

And there you have it! If you want to go even further down the rabbit hole with me, I’m attaching my notes on all 31 tracks (ratings, best lyrics, thoughts, and what I think each song is about). I also linked the Spotify playlist I made editing this album down to what I think it should have been. Enjoy!!! 😎

The Tortured Poet’s Department (Kelly’s Version)

1. Fortnight
2. Down Bad
3. The Tortured Poets Department
4. Florida!!!
5. So Long, London
6. Guilty As Sin?
7. Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?
8. I Can Do It With A Broken Heart
9. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived
10. imgonnagetyouback
11. The Black Dog
12. I Look in People’s Windows
13. The Alchemy
14. Clara Bow

Bonus tracks: The Manuscript, ThanK you aIMee, So High School

MAIN ALBUM

1. Fortnight

All my mornings are Mondays stuck in an endless February
I took the miracle move-on drug, the effects were temporary
And I love you, it's ruining my life
I love you, it's ruining my life
I touched you for only a fortnight

Who/what I think this song is about: Joe Alwyn, and how he was rumored to possibly have cheated on Taylor with Emma Laird because of an Instagram post 12 days after their breakup was announced (12 days is, you know, almost a fortnight?). I think this song is more fun to think about from Joe’s POV. I think we know by now that Joe really struggled with Taylor’s fame. This song represents that well, if Taylor is singing as him. Is that why we have a male voice on this song?

Verdict: Keep, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5. Needs more Post Malone, but I think this is a good choice for a single. I also think that Post Malone absolutely smashed his parts of the music video, I love him!!!!!

2. The Tortured Poets Department

Sometimes, I wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me
But you told Lucy you'd kill yourself if I ever leave
And I had said that to Jack about you, so I felt seen
Everyone we know understands why it's meant to be
'Cause we're crazy
So tell me, who else is gonna know me?
At dinner, you take my ring off my middle finger
And put it on the one people put wedding rings on
And that's the closest I've come to my heart exploding

Who/what I think this song is about: Matty Healy! Surprisingly!

Verdict: Keep, barely.  ⭐️⭐️⭐️/5. Don’t think we don’t see that this song should have been on Midnights, though. But we’ll allow it, because of the fun piano.

3. My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

My boy only breaks his favorite toys
I'm queen of sand castles he destroys
'Cause I knew too much, there was danger in the heat of my touch
He saw forever, so he smashed it up

Who/what I think this song is about: Matty Healy?

Verdict: Cut, barely. It’s good, but just doesn’t feel memorable to me. I don’t think we need it.  ⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

4. Down Bad

I loved your hostile take-overs
Encounters closer and closer
All your indecent exposures
How dare you say that it's—?
I'll build you a fort on some planet
Where they can all understand it

How dare you think it's romantic
Leaving me safe and stranded?
Like I lost my twin
Fuck it if I can't have him
Down bad (wavin' at the ship)
Fuck it if I can't have him

Who/what I think this song is about: Joe Alwyn. This song is a direct callback to  “Call it What You Want” from Reputation (“I'm laughin' with my lover, makin' forts under covers, trust him like a brother, yeah, you know I did one thing right”). I also love the lyrics to this song, all the space references really do it for me 😎

Verdict: Keep, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5. Importantly, this song needs to go second, after “Fortnight.” This song gets you invested in the album more quickly.

5. So Long, London

You swore that you loved me, but where were the clues?
I died on the altar waitin' for the proof
You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days
And I'm just getting color back into my face
I'm just mad as hell 'cause I loved this place for
So long, London

Who/what I think this song is about: Joe Alwyn. The most direct, obvious reference we have to Joe; a callback to Lover’s “London Boy.” We aren’t going to mess with what Taylor says is her Track 5, you know?

Verdict: Keep, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

6. But Daddy, I Love Him

And now I'm runnin' with my dress unbuttoned
Screamin', "But Daddy, I love him, I'm havin' his baby”
No, I'm not, but you should see your faces
I'm tellin' him to floor it through the fences
No, I'm not coming to my senses
I know he's crazy, but he's the one I want

Who/what I think this song is about: Taylor being pissed at everyone for judging her very brief relationship with Matty Healy so harshly and openly. These lyrics are SO GOOD! She is SO MAD!

Verdict: Surprisingly, cut. I had such high hopes for this song, but it feels out of place here. I feel like I have been transported back in time, and not in a good way.  ⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

7. Fresh Out The Slammer

Gray and blue and fights and tunnels
Handcuffed to the spell I was under
For just one hour of sunshine
Years of labor, locks and ceilings
In the shade of how he was feeling
But it's gonna be alright, I did my time

My friends tried, but I wouldn't hear it
Watch me daily disappearing
For just one glimpse of his smile
All those nights, he kept me goin'
Swirled you into all of my poems
Now we're at the starting line, I did my time
Now, pretty baby, I'm runnin'

Who/what I think this song is about: Joe Alwyn and Travis Kelce. She basically confirms something I have been feeling for a while, which is that there is way more of Joe in folklore and evermore than we previously thought. I’ve been listening to all the albums after Reputation A LOT lately, and “Coney Island” in particular strikes me as an interesting callback here. The colors she uses to describe Joe as the relationship deteriorated are blue and gray, and I think she’s saying that she’s running to Travis (“I'm runnin' back home to you,
fresh out the slammer, I know who my first call will be to”) now that she’s out of a relationship that slowly died over several years and felt like a prison. One of many jail references on this album.

Verdict: CUT. I thought this was going to be a fun bop from the name, but I am so unbelievably bored. ⭐️/5

8. Florida!!!

The hurricane with my name when it came
I got drunk and I dared it to wash me away
Barricaded in the bathroom with a bottle of wine
Well, me and my ghosts, wе had a hell of a time

Who/what I think this song is about: The first show of the Eras Tour she played after her breakup with Joe was announced, which was in Tampa on April 13th. Honestly, I think the lyrics of this song are pretty bad, lol. “Fuck me up Florida” is a choice.

Verdict: Keep, but barely. ⭐️⭐️⭐/5. I am a huge Florence Welch fan, and this song could have been a lot better! Sorry!

9. Guilty as Sin?

I keep these longings locked
In lowеrcase inside a vault
Someonе told me, "There's no such thing as bad thoughts, only your actions talk"
These fatal fantasies
Giving way to labored breath takin' all of me
We've already done it in my head, if it's make-believe
Why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow?

Who/what I think this song is about: Hear me out. I think the obvious choice here is Matty Healy, but what if it wasn’t? I LOVE these lyrics; some of the strongest on the entire album. This is dangerous to say, but I think she’s hinting that this song was originally in the Vault of folklore or evermore (her only albums styled in lowercase letters), and that as her relationship with Joe died, she was thinking a lot about… Harry Styles. “They don’t know how you’ve haunted me so stunningly?????????”

Verdict: Keep, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

10. Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?

So tell me everything is not about me, but what if it is?
Then say they didn't do it to hurt me, but what if they did?
I wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me
You wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

Who/what I think this song is about: This song feels like an “Anti-Hero,” part 2. I think this is about Taylor’s relationship with fame and her critics, especially in the aftermath of her breakup with Joe and fling with Matt. I like that we get Taylor screaming on this song, and I wish we had more of it.

Verdict: Keep, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

11. I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

They shook their heads sayin', "God, help her"
When I told 'em he's my man
But your good Lord didn't need to lift a finger
I can fix him, no, really, I can
Woah, maybe I can't

Who/what I think this song is about: Matty Healy… seems pretty clear

Verdict: Cut. ⭐️⭐/5

12. loml

You shit-talked me under the table
Talkin' rings and talkin' cradles
I wish I could unrecall
How we almost had it all
Dancing phantoms on the terrace
Are they second-hand embarrassed
That I can't get out of bed
'Cause something counterfeit's dead?

Who/what I think this song is about: Honestly a toss-up between Joe Alwyn and Matty Healy. “Loss of my life” clearly points more to Joe, but lines about reforming him and a momentary, unnecessary relationship point to Matt. “You and I go from one kiss to getting married” does NOT seem like it’s a reference to Joe! The song has some of the best lyrics on the album, IMO.

Verdict: Cut, regrettably. ⭐️⭐⭐/5

13. I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart
You know you're good, haha, good
'Cause I'm miserable! (haha)
And nobody even knows!!
Ah, try and come for my job.

Who/what I think this song is about: Taylor having to pretend like she’s having the time of her life last year performing during the Eras Tour when she and Joe (and Matty?) had just split up 🥺 This song is a part 2 to “You’re On Your Own, Kid” and “Bejeweled” and it’s honestly devastating!!! (Even though the song is unexpectedly bouncy and glittery, and clearly from the Midnights era.) The ending of this song is UNHINGED. I think I love it?

Verdict: Keep, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

14. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

Were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?
Did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?
Were you writin' a book? Were you a sleeper cell spy?
In fifty years, will all this be declassified?
And you'll confess why you did it and I'll say, "Good riddance"
'Cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden
I would've died for your sins, instead, I just died inside
And you deserve prison, but you won't get time

Who/what I think this song is about: Matty Healy! YOW!!!!!! I love the audible exhale we get after the first verse, yes Taylor! I don’t think we knew how much Taylor loved (and now hates) Matty Healy until this song. I’ve seen this song being compared to “All Too Well” and I see what they’re saying, but I think it’s giving “Dear John.”

Verdict: Keep, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

15. The Alchemy

Touch down
Call the amateurs and cut 'em from the team
Ditch the clowns, get the crown
Baby, I'm the one to be
'Cause the sign on your heart
Said it's still reserved for me
Honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?
These blokes warm the benches
We've been on a winning streak
He jokes that "It's heroin, but this time with an E"
'Cause the sign on your heart
Said it's still reserved for me
Honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?

Who/what I think this song is about: Travis Kelce! Football metaphors galore.

OR… Hear me out. This song could also be about Harry Styles, a part 2 to “gold rush” (which I absolutely think is about Harry–alchemy, notably, is transforming base metals into gold) and a nod to their reunion at Grammys 2023, which absolutely happened during the time period she was writing Tortured Poets. Taylor won Album of The Year for folklore in 2021, then Harry won for Harry’s House in 2023, and Taylor announced Tortured Poets the night she won Album of The Year for Midnights. Sounds like a winning streak to me…

Verdict: Keep, ⭐️⭐️⭐️/5. I like this song as the album closer, since it reminds us of where she is now and it feels like an epilogue, but the last line of Clara Bow was clearly written to close this album, so this one goes second to last, exactly where Taylor had it. Though, I’d prefer it last with a different ending line.

16. Clara Bow

You look like Stevie Nicks in '75
The hair and lips
The crowd goes wild at her fingertips
Half moonshinе, a full eclipse

You look like Taylor Swift
In this light, we're loving it
You've got edge, she never did
The future's bright, dazzling

Who/what I think this song is about: Taylor Swift herself. I think the last bit is the most interesting, where she refers to herself in the third person.

Verdict: Keep, ⭐️⭐️⭐/5. I love the line “the future’s bright, dazzling” as the closing line of the album.

SECOND ALBUM

17. The Black Dog

And it hits me
I just don't understand
How you don't miss me
In The Black Dog, when someone plays The Starting Line
And you jump up, but she's too young to know this song
That was intertwined in the magic fabric of our dreaming
Old habits die screaming

Who/what I think this song is about: Joe Alwyn

Verdict: Keep, on the main album. Barely. I like how it starts down tempo and then gets a little more wild. ⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

18. imgonnagetyouback

Whether I'm gonna be your wife, or
Gonna smash up your bike, I haven't decided yet
But I'm gonna get you back
Whether I'm gonna curse you out, or
Take you back to my house, I haven't decidеd yet
But I'm gonna get you back

Who/what I think this song is about: Matty Healy? This is about a passionate love-hate relationship, which I think points much more to Matt than Joe.

Verdict: Keep, on the main album.  ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

19. The Albatross

Cross your thoughtless heart
Only liquor anoints you
She's the albatross
She is here to destroy you
Devils that you know
Raise worse hell than a stranger
She's the death you chose
You're in terrible danger

Who/what I think this song is about: I could read “The Albatross” as being about Joe, Matt, or Travis, but what I really think it’s about is the toll that being with someone as famous as Taylor Swift can take on a person. I think this is effectively a part 2 to “peace” from folklore, and it’s ultimately about fame.

Verdict: Cut, only because it sounds like it belongs on evermore. I actually like it.  ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

20. Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

So if you want to break my cold, cold heart
Say you loved me
And if you want to tear my world apart
Say you'll always wonder

Who/what I think this song is about: Here I am, your dutiful conspiracy theorist; this song is definitely about Harry Styles. I think she’s written about him on several albums since 1989 as the person she’ll always wonder “what if” about. I mean, go back and listen to 1989 (Taylor’s Version), especially the Vault tracks, and then listen to this song again…

Verdict: Cut, ⭐️⭐️⭐️/5. But we are keeping this line forever, “WILL THAT MAKE YOUR MEMORY FADE FROM THIS SCARLET, MAROON?” 

21. How Did It End?

We hereby conduct
This post-mortem
He was a hot house flower to my outdoorsmen
Our maladies were such
We could not cure them
And so a touch that was my birth right became foreign

Who/what I think this song is about: Joe Alwyn :(

Verdict: Cut, ⭐️⭐️⭐️/5. The piano is really pretty and the lyrics are good, but we don’t need it. This song is an exercise in cutting songs that are actually good. It’s necessary. I’m sorry. But this would be a great candidate for the alternate universe in which she had delivered just one album, and then surprise dropped this song next week.

22. So High School

Truth, dare, spin bottles
You know how to ball, I know Aristotle
Brand new, full throttle
Touch me while your bros play Grand Theft Auto
It's true, swear, scouts honor
You knew what you wanted, and, boy, you got her
Brand new, full throttle
You already know, babe

Who/what I think this song is about: Travis Kelce!!!!!! Cute.

Verdict: Keep, but make it a bonus track. This feels like an epilogue; a little reassurance that she’s okay now. And it’s the last thing we should hear.  ⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

23. I Hate It Here

Quick, quick, tell me something awful
Like you are a poet trapped inside the body of a finance guy
I hate it here so I will go to secret gardens in my mind people need a key to get to
The only one is mine

Who/what I think this song is about: Being extremely famous

Verdict: Cut. ⭐️⭐️⭐️/5. Same same same same same same.

24. ThanK you aIMee

Screamed "Fuck you, Aimee" to the night sky, as the blood was gushin'
But I can't forget the way you made me heal

Everyone knows that my mother is a saintly woman
But she used to say she wished that you were dead

Who/what I think this song is about: Kim Kardashian, with zero uncertainty

Verdict: Keep, because it’s spicy. Make it a bonus track. ⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

25. I Look In People’s Windows

I look in people's windows
Transfixed by rose golden glows
They have their friends over to drink nice wine
I look in people's windows
In case you're at their table
What if your eyes looked up and met mine
One more time

Who/what I think this song is about: Joe Alwyn, and thinking she sees him everywhere after they’ve broken up. Haven’t we all been there?

Verdict: Keep, on the main album. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

26. The Prophecy

Please
I've been on my knees
Change the prophecy
Don't want money
Just someone who wants my company
Let it once be me

Who/what I think this song is about: Taylor, saying she would rather have a partner who loves her than all the money she has (which is… a lot). Devastating.

Verdict: Cut, but not because I don’t like it. I just feel like this song belongs in the folklore/evermore era, and that is a necessary cut to make. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

27. Cassandra

I was onto something
They all said nothing
Blood's thick but nothing like a payroll
Bet they never spared a prayer for my soul
You can mark my words that I said it first
In a morning warning, no one heard
No one heard, not a single word was heard

Who/what I think this song is about: Taylor is using Cassandra of Troy (a princess cursed by her ex-lover to always deliver true prophecy, but never be believed) as an allegory for no one believing her about Scooter Braun or Kimye, probably

Verdict: Cut. This song also belongs in the folklore/evermore era, even if I really like it. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

28. Peter

And I won't confess that I waited, but I let the lamp burn
As the men masqueraded, I hoped you'd return
With your feet on the ground, tell me all that you'd learned
'Cause love's never lost when perspective is earned
And you said you'd come and get me, but you were twenty-five
And the shelf life of those fantasies has expired
Lost to the "Lost Boys" chapter of your life
Forgive me, Peter, please know that I tried
To hold on to the days
When you were mine
But the woman who sits by the window
Has turned out the light

Who/what I think this song is about: Here it is!!! The entry about Harry Styles I have waited YEARS for!!!!! I genuinely think there was a long period of time–over a decade–when Taylor believed that she and Harry were endgame, but eventually he moved on, and now so has she. I wonder if we’ll ever get another Harry-inspired song, or if this is it (except for the next song, lol). These lyrics are highly reminiscent of  “right where you left me,” the bonus track on evermore.

Verdict: Cut. The piano on this song is lovely, but it doesn’t fit with the rest of the album, even though I am the biggest “songs about Harry” fan.  ⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

29. The Bolter

He was a cad, wanted her bad
Just like any good trophy hunter
And she liked the way he tastes
Taming a bear, making him care
Watching him jump then pulling him under
And at first blush, this is fate
When it's all roses, portrait poses
Central Park lake in tiny rowboats
What a charming Saturday
That's when she sees the littlest leaks
Down in the floorboards
And she just knows
She must bolt

Who/what I think this song is about: I’m sorry. This song is, again, about Harry Styles and you can’t convince me it’s not! The Central Park lake reference feels obvious. Although I feel like Taylor is telling us here that the breakup was a little more mutual than we thought, and Taylor was actually the one to leave because she wasn’t getting what she needed from Harry.

Verdict: Cut. ⭐️⭐️/5

30. Robin

You got the dragonflies above your bed
You have a favorite spot on the swing set
You have no room in your dreams for regrets

The time will arrive for the cruel and the mean
You'll learn to bounce back just like your trampoline
But now we'll curtail your curiosity
In sweetness

Who/what I think this song is about: Taylor as a child?

Verdict: Cut. ⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

31. The Manuscript

The only thing that's left is the manuscript
One last souvenir from my trip to your shores
Now and then I reread the manuscript
But the story isn't mine anymore

Who/what I think this song is about: John Mayer. My theory is that this song is the final one in the trilogy that started with “Dear John” and “Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve.” And it’s devastating!!!!!!

Verdict: Keep as a bonus track. We love a scathing sad song; it stays. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

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Thank you so much to my dutiful friend and fellow Taylor fan, Jess Starr, for spending so much time with me yesterday WHILE IT WAS SNOWING and printing out packets for us to take copious amounts of notes in different colored pens like the Students of Taylor Swift that we are!!!

THOUGHTS? Do you like this album???? Come throw them in the comments section!!!!!!

K bye,
Kelly

P.S. Did a friend send this to you? I’m taking a bit of a break from Substack at the moment, but if you want more chaos when I’m back: