#60. 13 things we skipped at our wedding
Just because it’s traditional doesn’t mean you have to do it
Hey! First, I just wanted to say a massive thank you so much for all the thoughtful/encouraging/smart comments you left on my last essay, “Various stages of capitalist desperation.” I never really know how anything is going to be received when I hit publish, and reading through all your lovely notes last week left me feeling so energized! I am shocked by how many of my friends mentioned this issue to me sometime in the last week, saying how it really echoes their current feelings about the internet right now. Are we heading for a subscriptionpocalypse in the near future? Quite possibly. If you haven’t read or joined in on the comments yet, they’re open to all subscribers.
Today, we’re heading back to Palm Springs to talk about the things we decided to skip at our wedding.
When we first started planning, we knew there was a traditional “format” and set of expectations we had to decide if we were going to go along with or not, piece by piece. When we were putting together all our logistics and a day-of timeline, we definitely butted heads a little bit with our venue coordinator, who kind of expected/wanted things to be a certain way, and had some of these more “traditional” things already penciled in for us as a placeholder (i.e. grand entrance, first dance, speeches, etc.). I think she *tried* to be really enthusiastic when we would go off script and suggest new ideas here and there, but I wouldn’t say she truly understood our vision for a slightly non-traditional event.
More than once we suggested something kind of different (but certainly not groundbreaking), and she would respond with something like, “No, it doesn’t work that way,” or “Wait, you want to do what? I don’t understand.” I also found out a week ago that she yelled at some of my friends at our wedding for putting their jackets on their chairs in the reception area before the ceremony, right after arriving at the venue (which was all outdoors, in December). Which I told them they would be welcome to do. I guess she scolded them because somehow the jackets would ruin the “reveal”????? Because that’s just not how she was used to doing things? Whut.
The truth is–you don’t have to do anything at your wedding, and everything is up for negotiation. (Except for like, bathrooms. That feels like a must-have.) It’s really up to every couple to decide what vibes with them and what doesn’t. Just because most people do (or don’t do) something, doesn’t mean you have to.
I’m not saying we completely reinvented weddings–far from it–but we definitely colored outside the lines to create our vision for the day, and I’m really glad we did. Now that you’ve seen our wedding video and gotten the overall vibe, I wanted to cover everything you didn’t see.
Here’s a look at 13 things we skipped at our wedding… pretty sure I don’t regret any of these!
A first dance
When I suggested doing a first dance to “our song,” Paul practically leapt out of his skin. As one of those people who can dance just fine but insists they have five left feet, Paul made it very clear how uncomfortable he was with the idea of a first dance, and I didn’t care enough to push back. Instead, we played “Jump” by Van Halen as our first song to kick off the dance party, and immediately ran over to our best friends and pulled them onto the dance floor. So the “first dance” was everyone together, and it ended up being more fun than I ever imagined it could be.