If I’m not careful, I could live almost my entire life inside my mind. From the minute I wake up to the moment I go to sleep, I’m focused on a barrage of mostly mind-based activities for both work and play. Though there are plenty of quotidian activities that typically involve equal participation from both the body and mind–driving a car, playing an instrument, taking pictures, or throwing a dinner party, just to name a few–many of the things we experience in our day-to-day lives more heavily favor one side over the other.
It’s probably both on purpose and by accident that I live a very mind-centric life. The DNA of my weeks often look pretty much the same, even if the details change. I go to work (which involves sitting in various locations around my house with my laptop, often still wearing the clothes I went to sleep in) and primarily do strategy and planning work for approximately eight hours a day, five days a week. I write curious times in my spare time, which means that before and after work (and often on the weekends) I come up with ideas for this newsletter, then write, edit, and build them every week in the Substack platform. When I need a break from working on my newsletter, I’ll read a book, play Jeopardy with Paul, scroll Instagram, make decisions for my interior design side-gig, or get lost in some article from The Atlantic. The hamster wheel that is my brain keeps running all day long, often only getting a true break when I fall asleep at night. Wash, rinse, repeat.
I was emailing with a friend last week who also leans towards mind-based activities, and she said something that really struck a chord with me: “I so often want to take a break from thinking.” I think this statement is as much of a response to the complicated nature of life right now as it is a reaction to how much her work depends on deep, all-consuming thinking (she’s a writer). I told her how desperately that thought resonated with me as well, as I took a mental inventory of my own days. It wasn’t exactly a surprise to realize that I do so much more for/with my mind than I do with my body.
I know I’m not the only person to experience a bit of mind/body imbalance. I’m sure there are a bunch of decently “balanced” people out there–whether naturally, or by working hard at it–but I would also bet a lot of people feel more naturally dominant on either side. Last week I was listening to Deepti and Natalie’s podcast, Out of the Pods, and Colleen from Love is Blind (a reality TV dating “experiment” where couples get engaged using only their minds, and not their bodies) said: “Coming from a dance background, I found [Love is Blind] fascinating. I’ve always been clumsy with my words when I get nervous, you know, that’s why I dance, I don’t talk.” But funnily enough, Colleen is one of the relatively few people who actually got married at the end of the experiment and is still married to their chosen partner. Or was finding a match by focusing on her less dominant half actually the secret to Colleen’s success?
Though I clearly favor one side over the other and generally always have, I can say with total certainty that I feel so much better when the two halves of myself are more in balance. I genuinely feel more peaceful after a workout, cooking a nice meal, or going for a long walk, but it’s often hard for me to actually get started. I find it so much easier to balance mind and body activities when I’m not running around like a lunatic trying to check too many things off a seemingly endless to-do list. When things get busy, activities that focus more on the body quickly fall to the wayside: I start staying up later and getting up earlier so I can work longer, I stop going on walks or using my Peloton, I forget to drink water, I eat frozen pizza or macaroni and cheese for dinner instead of actually cooking, I put off getting a haircut or going to the doctor, I let the laundry pile up long enough that eventually I’m digging through piles and piles of clothes that might be clean but haven’t been folded or put away, I work an entire day in my pajamas without taking a shower or even brushing my hair; the list goes on.
But even through these phases when I’m a total mess in some areas, somehow I still find time to play the Wordle every day (my friend and I are still texting each other our scores), go to therapy on Friday afternoons, read a few books every month (and lead a book club!), and write this newsletter every week for the last six months. I think it’s simply because prioritizing the more “mind” forward activities comes more naturally to me, and I have to more actively manage activities that deal more with nurturing the body.
After a few particularly rough weeks in March (when the amount of snow and potholes in Minnesota was enough to drive pretty much anyone to the brink of insanity), I decided that it was time to find a new way to commit to moving my body and giving myself a dedicated time/space to take a forced break from thinking. As a person with a 100% remote “desk job,” sometimes I feel like I can literally sense my muscles atrophying like cut rubber bands as I just sit there, day after day, year after year.
On a whim, I started Googling pilates studios near me, and quickly landed on one with five stars only an eight minute drive from my house. The first thing I saw when I landed on their website was a pop-up that said ‘Looking to get started? Book an onboarding session or get started with our six week Introduction to Reformer series!” I took that as a clear sign and booked myself into the next available intro class, which was on Tuesdays from 5:15-6:15pm.
I was worried that pilates would go the same way that yoga did for me–I did it, but begrudgingly, and never was able to establish a routine that I could stick to–but shockingly, I loved it! I “graduated” from my intro series in early May and I’m now doing Level 1 pilates classes twice a week. I’m even considering boosting it up to three classes every week in July. Pilates has become a dedicated time for me to just be completely present in my body, which I didn’t realize how much I needed until I was actually there doing it every week. I don’t think about anything else while I’m on the Reformer; I just focus on my underused muscles shaking as I do whatever the instructor tells me to do. It’s less of an intense workout than Peloton spin classes (which I loved for a long time, but haven’t been able to commit to doing with any kind of regularity since moving to Minnesota) and I don’t even necessarily have to shower afterwards, which has turned out to be a game changer. Even if I have to jump right back into mind-based activities when I leave the studio, this one hour of pure “body” time has been feeding me in ways I wasn’t fully expecting.
Without diving too deep into a philosophical rabbit hole (you know I could totally go there): Are you more of a body with a mind, or a mind with a body? (Or are you almost perfectly balanced?) Though neither half can really exist without the other, perhaps most (or all) of us are naturally inclined to favor one over the other. And if we’re looking to create more balance in our everyday existence, I think maybe we have to work on nurturing both sides. Instead of thinking of these two things in opposition to each other–mind versus body–how can we actively try to bring them closer together; the mind and body working more harmoniously together?
While I recognize that a lot of activities involve both the brain and the body working equally together, here are a few simple ideas that favor one side more than the other to get you started if you’re looking for some inspiration to feed your less dominant side:
Ideas to nurture your body:
Buy a cookbook and start cooking your way through it (I constantly hear good things about Cook This Book and Dessert Person)
Go for a skin cancer screening at the dermatologist, or get an annual checkup with your doctor if it’s been a while (or find a doctor if you’ve been putting that off, I hear good things about Zocdoc)
Try a new activity like pilates, yoga, boxing, cycling, crossfit, etc. See if you can find an introductory course that is meant to show you the ropes so you can start as a beginner and really see if you like it
Commit to getting eight hours of sleep, any way you can
Buy one of those ridiculously large water bottles to stay hydrated throughout the day (you know, like this one)
Try out a new recipe, especially one that involves a lot of chopping/prepping with your hands. Try something from here if you need inspiration
Take a 10 minute stretch break
Go shopping in person and try on as many outfits as you want, even if you don’t end up buying anything
Go for a hike or a long walk
Experiment with a new haircut, style, product, or color
Take a long bath (if you don’t have a bathtub, just sit down in the shower lol) with bath salts or a candle or something that smells really good
Take a nap!
Start a little herb garden and tend to it like you would a pet
Paint a room in your house (I find painting strangely relaxing)
Ideas to nurture your mind:
Start a daily journal (people seem to really like this one)
Find a therapist
Do the Wordle every day (and better yet, text your results every day to a friend to make it into a routine). If you’re ready for the next level, try the Quordle
Attend a talk or event that’s covering a topic you’re interested in
Join (or start!) a book club
Watch a movie or start a TV series that requires a ton of brain power to understand (basically anything directed by Christopher Nolan fits the bill; Paul and I also recently started rewatching LOST)
Read a book you’ve been interested in, start to finish. If it’s difficult to make time for reading, start with just 20 minutes of reading per day, every day
Meditate for 10-30 minutes per day (try a guided meditation from the Calm app)
Buy a book of crossword puzzles (any difficulty level) and do them with coffee in the morning
Invite a group of friends over to watch a documentary about a subject you’re all interested in, and then talk about it after
Watch an episode of Jeopardy (you can find them for free on YouTube) and play along
Grab a paid subscription to a media site you like but don’t yet subscribe to like The Atlantic, The New York Times, New York Magazine, etc. (I have paid subscriptions to all three of these and love them!) and try to read one article from it per day
Find a group of friends to play bar trivia with every few weeks (get a group text going) or make your own version of trivia and invite a group of friends over to play
Comments are open to everyone on this issue so you can drop your ideas below! What extremely specific thing do you do that really nurtures your mind or body? I want to know!
What’s Up This Week
I, along with everyone else, absolutely devoured Queen Charlotte on Netflix. Inspired by the mostly true story of Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz (thought to be Britain’s first Black queen) who married King George III, but set in the fictional world of Bridgerton, this show is an absolute must-watch for lovers of historical fiction. The chemistry between Charlotte (India Amarteifio) and George (Corey Mylchreest) is wholesome and steamy all at the same time, and I am newly obsessed with both of them. HOWEVER, I was left in SHOCK AND DISBELIEF to learn that there is no season two of this absolute smash of a prequel planned. I will be in mourning…
If you’re in the mood for some very bingeable stories you can read on the beach this summer that are super weird, Out There by Kate Folk is for you. I read this entire book on our trip to Florida in early May, and the stories within this science/speculative fiction anthology certainly live up to the title. So many of the author’s ideas in this book seem like maybe they came to her in a dream, which I actually love! Probably the most memorable one is that dating apps are filled with bots (true), but what if those bots were actually real, corporeal, near-perfect beings that attempt to woo unsuspecting women only to then steal their data and send it back to their Russian overlords? And what if there was one bot who couldn’t complete its mission because it had a kind of endearing design flaw, and the woman he was attempting to target took pity on him? If you’re at all intrigued by that synopsis, pick up this book and read it as fast or slow as you want while on vacation this summer. I give it a 7.5/10!
I was a very loyal fan of Madewell back in the day, but I stopped shopping there a while ago because either the clothes or I had changed too much. I thought perhaps this was just a natural progression of “aging out” of certain stores (RIP Urban Outfitters, for me) but recently I noticed that the clothes were actually looking kind of cute again? Last Sunday I went shopping IRL (a conscious “body” focused activity) and somehow left with FIVE things after only buying maybe five things from Madewell (total) in the last few years. I have a ridiculously hard time finding non-denim pants and shorts of any kind that work for me, and I was shocked at how much I liked the Carley wide-leg pants and patch-pocket denim shorts. These shorts aren’t too short or too long and don’t hurt at all when I sit. Basically, they are the unicorn of denim shorts.
“How Much Does it Cost to Live Like This?” by Rachel Sugar, Jack Denton, Laura Thompson, and Adriane Quinlan for Curbed. I have absolutely no idea if this article is brilliant, horrifying, relatable, privileged, innovative, realistic, or what, but I couldn’t look away. LMK what you think if you read it.
That’s it for me! :) I’ll see free subscribers in two weeks, and paid subscribers next week with some thoughts about bachelorette parties and the fact that I’m not having one.
K bye,
Kelly
P.S. If anyone in the St. Paul area wants to give pilates a try, my experience at Core was really non-threatening and nice! Everyone who works there is great and I never felt like it was a bad thing that I was a total beginner. Definitely recommend!
#28. Mind vs. Body
Totally agree that finding balance can be tough. Your suggestions are great, in both categories. Another thing I try to balance on a daily basis is 'pleasure' vs 'productivity' - they both make me happy but sometimes I need more of one or the other. And activities that do both (like a dance class for me) are even better!
Loved this article! I’m also a mind person and recently picked up cross stitch to occupy my hands with something. It’s a great way to focus on something that’s not overly strenuous but still gets me out of my head a bit. And I’ve found some really fun patterns on Etsy