#22. Work in Flux
If you’re sitting next to one other person right now, statistically speaking, one of you is stressed out by your job every single day. Is it you?
Hi!
Before we dive into this week’s issue, which is a long story about a friend of mine who renovates houses and the strange state of work / our relationships with our jobs right now, I just wanted to let everyone know about a small change I’m making to my posting cal.
Since the start of this newsletter, I’ve published a free weekly essay on Wednesdays, and then in January, I started publishing wedding-related content on Fridays for paid subscribers every other week. In light of the rapidly warming weather here in Minnesota (the antidote to all my winter woes and absolute greatest thing ever) and some recent changes at work that have me taking on some new (old) responsibilities, I’m going to dial it back to just one essay a week in total for the foreseeable future. I’m fairly confident I’ll still be able to publish a new issue every Wednesday, but starting now, every other one will be for paid subscribers only (wedding stuff + a few other topics and ideas I’ve been thinking about!). It’s been kind of tough to manage 6+ issues a month recently and I’d rather take my time and make sure I’m publishing fewer, better pieces :)
In addition, I’d love to hear from you (if you’re willing to share) what you like best about this newsletter! The topics I cover are pretty broad (my brain is constantly filled with a variety of things that don’t necessarily go together lol) and I’ve been strongly considering narrowing my focus. I would be curious to hear about what you, specifically, are enjoying the most from this newsletter. It might help me figure that out! You can reply to this email or use this form.
If you have any questions at all, let me know! Thank you, as always, to everyone who reads this newsletter even casually, and for being cool with this change. Love you!!!
A few weeks ago, Paul and I jumped in the car on a sunny Saturday afternoon and sped over to Linden Hills to meet our friend, Jason, who is elbows-deep in a home renovation that he’s been working on since the beginning of the year. In his early 40s with two rambunctious little girls (ages two and five), Jason quit his job as a nurse during the pandemic due to soul-crushing levels of burnout and a desire to have better work/life balance, and has since put his handyman skills to use renovating run-down homes that no one else wants–it’s now his full-time job. Paul acts as Jason’s realtor and consultant, and together, these two have successfully converted four houses from a virtually condemned property into a beautiful space that any family/person can just move into and enjoy; this project is their fifth.
I’m going to over-explain all of this for a moment, but bear with me… I’ve learned/heard a ton about this recently and I think it’s really interesting.
When it comes to the ideal project for Jason, it’s truly the homes no one else will buy, and the (sad) story is almost always the same: An elderly woman has been living in the house for 30+ years and the house hits the market after she dies or moves to an assisted living facility. The home has fallen into such disrepair–rooms are often filled with trash and have yellow-stained walls from years of smoking inside, which I’m sure you can imagine makes for *beautiful* photos–that pretty much no one is willing to buy it as-is. These houses wouldn’t be considered “livable” by a vast majority of potential buyers, and will take months of work to be move-in ready, sometimes having mold problems so severe they could literally kill someone, cracked foundations, animal infestations, broken windows, furnaces emitting high levels of carbon monoxide; you name it.
In their current state, many of these homes would be considered tear-downs for the right buyer, but the families selling the houses always want as much money as they can get out of the sale, and most people aren’t in a position to build a brand new house right now anyway. A combination of high interest rates and increasing costs of new construction has meant most people just aren’t willing to go through the long, expensive process of a new build. (Here in Minneapolis/St. Paul, it costs roughly $300 per square foot to build a starter house with basic finishes right now, not including the land. So if you buy a house that’s in rough shape for around $200-$300K, tear it down, and build a brand new 2,000 square foot house (likely three beds / two baths), you’re looking at $800-$900K all in. If you did that, you’d be underwater on the house immediately, and those numbers just don’t add up for most people. Hence the need for months-long, full renovations of old houses that need a ton of work before anyone can move in.)
According to Paul, who has been helping people buy and sell houses and managing rentals for almost 15 years, a majority of home buyers out there don’t have the time, money, or energy to fuck around with massive improvements or new builds right now. With anxiety about a looming recession, job unhappiness at an all-time high, and the cost of almost everything significantly increased since last year, most buyers just want a house that is totally move-in ready that is at or under their budget. My sister just built a new house, and it was 14 months of hell. She told me once that it was like a full time job, on top of a full time job, on top of being a mom to three little boys.
When Paul sees a run-down old house that has been sitting for months on the market without an offer, Paul and Jason will determine how much work is needed, run some numbers, then lob one at the seller. Often, they say no. But sometimes they say yes, typically grateful to have the house off their hands, and trust Jason to restore the home so that it can actually be sold to someone who can comfortably live in it.
Doing a full gut renovation of a home that was nearly condemned and turning it into a beautiful space for someone to enjoy, in my mind, is a necessary part of the lifecycle of many homes. It’s just a fact that if you don’t upkeep your home (which can be very expensive), it will fall into disrepair, and eventually become unlivable or even hazardous. Someone has to come in and fix it up, and that person might not always be the eventual buyer. Did you know (I didn’t until recently) that the average roof is $10,000 and lasts about 25-30 years? Or that a forced-air furnace lasts for 25 years and is around $6,000? And that’s just the tip of the iceberg– there’s drafty windows, water leaks, collapsed sewer lines, rusted water heaters, leaky septic systems, crumbling chimneys, and more. “Flipping” a house the right way isn’t just about making it *look* good. It’s also about diving into the guts of the house, too, and making sure it will actually function (and hold up) for years to come.
While looking “under the hood” so to speak is definitely not my area of expertise, Paul and I are Jason’s unofficial interior designers. Jason throws design questions at us every week–everything from paint colors to tile selection and ideas that will make a house more usable for a future owner–and we try to the best of our ability to help him create a home that someone would love to live in. It’s a very fun side job that I love doing, but I almost never talk about it because a lot of people have this idea that “house flippers” are evil. And maybe some of them are, but that has never been my experience. Some flippers are just guys like Jason, who was done so dirty during the pandemic by his long career as a nurse that he had to leave for his mental health and do something for work with more flexibility and better pay. His wife is a teacher, and she’s been trying to find a way out, too. In their 40s with two little kids, neither of them have the energy to keep going in jobs that generally aren’t treated like the absolute necessities they are. Since 2020, approximately one in five healthcare professionals quit their jobs, and up to 47% of people working in healthcare plan to leave by 2025. Jason’s story is just one of many.
On our way over to see progress on the new kitchen I designed for Jason (which is a full gut of a kitchen that was no longer functional and horribly outdated), we stopped at Mel-O-Glaze to get some donuts. We walked inside and immediately could hear someone talking loudly like they were on the phone, though we couldn’t see anyone behind the counter. “I’ll call you back, I’ve got customers,” we heard through booming speakers, followed by, “Hey guys! Are you comfortable serving yourselves? I’ll walk you through it.” Baffled, Paul and I turned our attention to the small TV screen that was mounted on top of the glass donut case. I waved at the woman on the screen, who appeared to be in her late 50s in a mint green room with sun streaming through the windows, and Paul said “Sure!” as we were invited behind the counter to pick out donuts from the case.
“Just tell me which ones you’re grabbing as you go, and I’ll ring you up,” she said, and we obeyed. One blueberry, one sprinkle, and two complimentary donut holes went into our bag, as instructed.
“Okay, now wake up the little iPad, and I’ll walk you through the rest,” she said as Paul took the reins and slid our credit card into the reader. He commented on how genius this set-up was, and she replied, “I swear I had this idea before Covid even happened! I’m in Florida!” with gusto, clearly extremely proud.
“She’s an innovator,” I said as we left, letting the door swing shut behind us. “She must have hired someone to come in and open the shop and make donuts this morning, and then works the afternoon shift herself virtually,” Paul suggested, and I nodded along in agreement, still completely baffled by what had just happened.
An overworked, under-appreciated nurse quits his job in healthcare to restore old houses on his own schedule and spend more time with his daughters. A small business owner who is nearing retirement age wants to spend some of the hellish winter in Florida without having to be physically present at her store in Minnesota. The way we view work is changing; I feel like I’m seeing it everywhere, witnessing it both first-hand and hearing about it constantly.
How many people do you know who are dissatisfied with their jobs right now? Are they doing anything about it, like Jason and the woman who owns the donut shop, or the almost 100 million Americans who quit their jobs in 2021 and 2022? Or are they one of many who have fallen victim to “resenteeism:” staying in a job you don’t like anymore due to concerns about job security, a looming recession, or lack of better options?
Some are calling resenteeism “quiet quitting’s” moody successor, and apparently, a whopping 80% of people who quit during the Great Resignation regret it. Many employers are starting to require their workers to come back in to the office full time, despite 87% of Americans who have the opportunity/capability to work remotely saying they want a flexible, hybrid role. Sixty percent of people worldwide are emotionally detached at work, and 50% of Americans report feeling stressed at their jobs on a daily basis. It doesn’t take a genius to realize: This is bad.
A few months ago, a friend with resenteeism applied for a job she knew she would be a shoe-in for. Sure enough, they called her almost immediately after she applied, but refused to even interview her if she wasn’t willing to move to New York for a hybrid schedule of two days in the office, three days at home (she wasn’t). Another friend who used to work as a teacher for LAUSD quit during the pandemic and immediately got a $30K raise working in sales almost 100% remotely for a tech company, and plans to stay there while her kids are little and then make her way back to teaching when they go to school. Another said she thinks about quitting her job daily because it’s the main source of her unhappiness, but stays because she really wants to go to grad school and switch careers, but doesn’t have the energy.
Our relationship with work feels like it’s in a state of flux. Not much feels like it’s being done to fix it.
Do you suffer from resenteeism? Did you quit during the Great Resignation? Do you regret it? Take a survey of the people in your life. How are they feeling about work these days? Is work the biggest source of stress in their life? How about yours? The only thing I’m absolutely sure of is that, no matter how you’re feeling, you’re not the only one.
I’m not an expert on what to do when you’re needing a career change, but I’m definitely the problem solving type with a lot of experience on the hiring side. If you’re one of the people stressed out by your job every day, here are a few productive ideas to consider:
You get to choose your destiny. Don’t let yourself just wallow in your unhappiness. If you’re craving a change, MAKE ONE!
Take a break. Before quitting your job, take some time off from work to clear your head, even if you don’t actually go anywhere. I know you’re probably saving up your PTO for “later” (if you have any), but see if you can take some time off now to clear your mind and get into problem-solving mode.
Find a Jason. Find someone who blew up their work life and get their perspective and advice about what they did and how.
Seek out a career counselor, life coach, or therapist that specializes in work-related stress. Talk to someone specifically trained to help you!
Ask for a raise or set boundaries at work. If you’re underpaid (and you know it) or constantly working overtime and not being paid for it, it’s time to chat with your employer.
Go back to school! It’s never too late.
Stop applying to jobs you find on the internet that already have hundreds of applicants, and start networking instead.
Send a cold email to a company you think is great. You never know what could happen.
What’s Up This Week
‘Steam” by Leon Bridges is two years old, but I just heard it for the first time last week. It was the perfect upbeat-yet-chill jam to listen to on repeat during the first warmish weekend in Minneapolis.
Paul and I watched My Octopus Teacher on Monday night, which felt very appropriate for this week’s issue, as the filmmaker was experiencing horrible burnout when he started free-diving in an underwater kelp forest every day and made friends with an octopus, which led to his Oscar-winning documentary. If you haven’t seen this yet, it’s a must-watch.
The best thing I read this week was an essay by Caroline Cala Donofrio (author of
) called "Regrets Only." As she describes it, it's about "rule breaking, wedding planning, and the people we might've been." This is my absolute favorite kind of shit to read on the internet so I hope you will hop on over there and read the entire issue, but here's a little teaser:I occasionally find myself wondering about the projects I abandoned before they found success, the alternate paths that pointed somewhere else. In another life, I might’ve settled down sooner. Lived in a different place. Embodied some unrecognizable version of me.
But I always come back to the positives. As I type this: my dog’s warm body against my foot, the blossoms outside the window, the sound of a choir echoing from a nearby church. If you change one brick, everything around it shifts.
Maybe the reason I despise plans is because so many things — paths, pursuits, parties — almost never go according to one. As the days unfurl and the sliding doors close and I am left with the current sum of my choices, I defer to this truth: If I’d gotten everything I wanted, I wouldn’t have wound up with so much of what I love.
A 37-year-old guy named Franky enlisted two of his friends from college to design this 1,761 square foot minimalist dream in the Hamptons. I squealed when I saw this wine art print that says “drink it quickly, before they take it away from you” but don’t worry, I looked it up and it’s just a casual $7,500. So I will not be buying this for Paul’s birthday next month.
That’s it for me! I’ll see paid subscribers next week with some wedding planning updates (!!) and the rest of you in two weeks. Thanks so much for sticking around :)
K bye,
Kelly
Love hearing about anything real estate or interior design related!
super enjoyed the little real estate behind the scenes and the honest discussion of burnout! I'm in the late stages of a phd and realizing that a traditional path (towards professor) post-grad school may not be for me because I'm just not willing to work myself into the ground and move three times to get there.
a lot of this has been reframing my identity away from just work as a source of meaning & towards a more full picture of what my life could hold. love hearing others with similar perspectives write honestly about this!